


We Were All Idiots

by SakoAkarui



Series: Footsteps In My Ear [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Humor, Canon Divergent Remus, Gen, Hogwarts Fifth Year, Humor, I wish homestuck signs were allowed on here, Marauders' Era, Slow Burn, Snark, Teenagers, rating for curse words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-14
Updated: 2016-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-04 09:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 40,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4132188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SakoAkarui/pseuds/SakoAkarui
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5th year, and damn are 15 year olds stupid.</p><p>Remus is a cagey snarky grump, Lily is intimidating, Sirius is insane, James is aggravating, and Peter somehow gets on your good side without anyone being the wiser. Back story variant for Remus, inspired by 'Sans Famille', otherwise canon-like as far as Marauder's era goes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Mum Who's Sick All the Time

_August 22, 1976_

 

“So you go back to school in a week, right? Are you excited to see everyone?” Remus shrugged at the young girl’s question.

 

“I guess. I suppose the change will be nice. We have OWLs at the end of the year though.” Diana nodded sagely. She didn’t understand, being six and, in Remus’s opinion, a bit touched, but clearly Remus knew what he was talking about. He was fifteen, after all.

 

“You have a lot of friends?” she asked, then wiped her nose on her sleeve.

 

“I share a dorm room with some people, and they’re alright. It’s me, and a boy named Andrew, and another named William in our dorm. There’s another boys’ dorm, too, with three other boys.” Diana seemed to want more if her staring meant anything, so Remus continued with resignation. “Andrew and James play Quidditch, so they are out practicing often. And James is practically tied at the hip to Sirius when he’s not practicing. William’s not around much. His brother’s in Hufflepuff, and I think he’s often with him and his housemates. Normally it’s just me, Peter, and Will around, and we’re all pretty quiet.”

 

“No girls?” Diana asked. She was genuinely upset at the lack of girls. “Why aren’t there any girls in school?”

 

“Of course there are girls, but they get their own rooms. There’s a lot more girls in our year, actually.” Diana stared at him expectantly, and he continued with a sigh. “Well, Julie and Brianne are best friends. That means they spend all their time together.”

 

“Like me and Lisa?”

 

“Exactly like you and Lisa. Except because they’re fifteen they go talk to boys because their friends have crushes on said boys, and spend an inordinate amount of time trying to set them up on dates.”

 

“Boys are stupid. And crushing doesn’t sound good.”

 

“No, I agree, it’s a very undesirable state.” The joke went over Diana’s head, but Remus expected that. He was used to it, and she was very short. Sometimes he thought his housemates took him seriously. Remus found this situation hilarious. Not that he laughed.

 

“Is that all the girls?”

 

“No, not at all. There’s Lori Wilcox. She’s very quiet. I don’t really know much about her to be honest. There’s Alexis, who is the opposite of very quiet, who I also don’t really know much about. And there’s Lily Evans in that dorm too.”

 

“Flowers are pretty,” Diana said. “What’s she like?” Remus thought carefully about how to describe Evans to a six year old.

 

“Evans is… She’s a force of nature. When we were eleven, we tried to tell her flying races or exploding snap were boy stuff, but she did them anyway. Trying to argue with her normally led to a punch in the face back then. So we all made exceptions for her, when it came to ‘boy stuff’. Especially these days since now she knows how to use a wand.” Remus looked over at Diana, who was now looking out the window. The sun was setting and the sky was on fire.

 

“Did she punch you in the face?” Diana asked.

 

“No, I very cleverly never told her what she could and could not do. I also refuse to have a crush on her, unlike most other boys.” Truth was Remus was a little terrified of what a relationship with Lily Evans would be. She was intense enough as a housemate.

 

“Does everyone get to wear a pretty pin this year, too?”

 

“No, I get to wear a pin because I’m a prefect. That means I have to boss other people around and punish them when they’re bad.”

 

“Like a mum?”

 

“That is precisely right,” Remus said. “I’m a mum now.”

 

“A mum who gets sick all the time?”

 

“A mum who gets sick all the time. That is a perfect description of my situation.” Remus looked over his shoulder at the Aselthorp family celebrating their grandmother’s birthday. He almost felt part of the festivities. “I think they’ll be cutting the cake soon,” he said. Diana stood and ran off into the kitchen, hopping and crying about cake to her mother. Remus looked outside again.

 

“A mum who’s sick all the time. Yup, that’s me.”


	2. The Short Version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been fast retroactively reposting these chapters so please let me know of any dumb typo errors. Plenty to come in the near future aka this month.

_September 1, 1976_

Remus had the ill-fortune to share his compartment on the way to school with a pair of first-years. They were very loud and, frankly, annoying. Remus decided Diana’s assertion that ‘boys are stupid’ definitely applied to the eleven year olds, and tacitly denied ever having been similarly annoying when he was their age. He tried to keep reading. The compartment door slid open and Remus looked up to see Lily Evans standing in the door. She looked at his collar, nodded, and sat down next to him. 

“I thought you might be the other prefect,” she said without preamble. Remus noted the pin on her robes as well. 

“Ah. Congratulations, Evans.” 

“I guess. I’m not really looking forward to being a watchdog over everyone. At least you are interesting to talk to.” 

“I do aim for quality over quantity.” She smiled a little, then nodded at his book. 

“So, what, have you still not finished summer readings or is that just for fun? It looks like you could squash a cat with that.” 

“It is in fact a book on cat squashing,” Remus replied. She picked her feet up onto the seat and leaned against the wall. 

“Remus, stop that and talk to me.” Remus looked up at her. 

“What do you want to talk about?” 

“I want to talk about that stupid project Potter and Black have.” Remus knew what she was referring to. James and Sirius called it their ‘Very Secret Certainly Not Illegal But Completely Worthy of Jealousy Project.’ Or they’d called it that on at least one occasion, probably. That’s what Remus called it, anyway. No one knew what it was except Peter, apparently. But James and Sirius talked about it extensively, as if they assumed everyone wanted to know the big secret. Remus had asked them if it was likely to end in fatalities, to which the answer was, “Probably. But we’re hoping it’s not ours.” 

Remus wanted to know what they were planning with every fiber of his being. 

“No one knows about their project. Actually been able to keep it secret this long. I think they’re evolving.” 

“I thought as much,” Evans said. “I already asked Pettigrew, but he said he wasn’t telling and then ran down the corridor. Why do you think he’d run off like that?” 

“Probably worried you’d take points. I think James and Sirius are a bad influence on him.” Remus would’ve bet Peter was just scared to talk to Evans. He’d bet anyone but Evans, of course. 

“You realize whatever it is, we’ll probably have to deal with it,” she said. Remus nodded. 

“I hear that’s a big part of responsibility. I also had a personal note from Professor McGonagall outlining that exact request.” For once, Remus was not exaggerating. She literally had penned onto his prefect letter that she expected him to keep James and Sirius in line. ‘Even if you only manage that one thing, your time as prefect will be an unparalleled success.’ Remus felt a little bad that he almost certainly would be letting her down. 

“I don’t know why we have to do it. I keep thinking she could’ve made Brianne a prefect instead of me,” Evans said. 

“She probably thought you’d be better at convincing people to follow the rules. You certainly won’t have any problem getting James to listen to you. In the literal sense, not in the conventional sense of ‘following the rules’.” 

“Mm,” she said noncommittally. “We’re supposed to have a prefects' meeting before we arrive. Wonder who the other prefects are in our year.” 

“I heard Julian DesMoines from Slytherin was one. It was a rumor I overheard from his mother when she kissed him goodbye on the platform.” 

“I saw Devon and Joyce with pins,” Lily said. That was very disappointing. Devon and Joyce had started dating a month before summer break. They were apparently ‘adorable’ and a ‘perfect couple’. Remus suspected they’d have a nasty break-up and then make being a prefect unbearable. Or they’d stay adorably together and make being a prefect unbearable. 

“Well that just leaves the Hufflepuffs and the other Slytherin,” Remus said. “I don’t really talk with either group much, so I wouldn’t bet on who it might be.” 

“You don’t talk to anyone much,” Evans said dismissively. Remus nodded in agreement. This was a true statement. Evans continued. “Of the Slytherin girls, I’d guess Mira. She’s the most reasonable. Mean, but she’d be willing to focus on the work and not argue too much. I wouldn’t want to do rounds with anyone else from that house.” Remus hadn’t even thought about rounds. All of his free time was gone now, he guessed. Not that he did anything with his free time. 

“I’ll have to trust your judgement on that,” he said. Lily looked at a watch on her wrist, then rolled her head back in exasperation. Almost on cue, the door opened again. This time it was a Slytherin, Severus Snape. In some ways, Remus felt a bond of ‘horrifically named children’ between them, but then remembered that Snape was completely horrific so he probably deserved his name. Then again, Remus knew why he had his own. Snape ignored Remus and turned to Lily. 

“I’ve been looking for you. What are you doing in here?” 

“Waiting for the prefects’ meeting. See?” She turned up her collar to show him the pin. Snape nodded, then turned on the two first-years. 

“Out. There’s a compartment across the way. No, don’t grab your trunks. The elves will get them, idiots.” Evans shook her head as the first-years left. 

“What was the point of that?” Lily asked. “They weren’t bothering anyone.” Snape sat in one of the vacated seats. 

“I wanted to sit here, that was the point. They’ll prefer the other compartment. One of them is a Crabbe, so I’m fairly certain they don’t want to sit with a couple Gryffindors.” Evans rolled her eyes. Remus tried to open his book as discreetly as possible. Evans nudged him with her foot. 

“No, I want you to keep talking to me,” Evans whined. Snape looked at Remus with distaste. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked. 

“Would you like the long version, or the short version. The long version is a stirring epic, spanning back generations, to the very height of the Roman empire.” 

“What’s the short version?” Evans asked. Remus showed Snape his prefect badge much like Evans had. She laughed. The compartment opened again and Remus dropped his head against the window. He blamed Evans for this string of visitors. She was too popular. 

“I knew you’d be in here bothering Evans. Out, Snape.” Remus could see James Potter leaning in from the corridor in the window’s reflection. 

“Piss off, Potter. Nobody wants you here.” 

“Nobody wants you on this planet, but somehow you keep slinking along,” James replied. Then he turned to Evans. “Hey, Evans. Good break? Miss me?” 

“Hardly,” Evans said. She nudged Remus again with her foot. “Remus, you’re a sensible one. You can get him to leave, right?” Remus turned back to the compartment, but James was already arguing with Snape again. 

“Evans, I don’t think there’s any magic or Muggle force to do that,” Remus said with regret. “But I bet I know who’ll be next to the compartment.” 

“Black?” Evans asked. 

“Peter,” he replied. 

“I’ll bet you five Sickles,” she said, and Remus reached out his hand to shake on it. “And just call me Lily already.” Remus hid his discomfort behind a blank face. 

“Okay, uh, Lily.” The name caught James’s attention. 

“Remus, what are you doing in here?” 

“Do you want the long version or the short vers-“ Remus was cut off when Lily tugged at his sleeve. He dropped his book onto the seat. “Time for that meeting. Love to stay and chat but actually I don’t.” She pulled Remus into the corridor just as Peter walked up. Remus turned to Lily triumphantly even as he tried to keep up. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” James called. 

“To the prefect meeting, you moron,” Snape snapped. Remus could barely hear Snape now, but James was loud enough for both of them. 

“What do you mean, Evans and Lupin are prefects? If anyone should be prefect, I should!” 

“You owe me five sickles,” Remus said just before he followed Lily into the first car. 

***** 

Remus returned to his compartment only to find James still there. Sirius and Peter were now sitting with him; Snape was nowhere in sight. 

“Hallo, Remus.” James eyed Remus suspiciously. Remus returned to his original seat, squeezing past Sirius. His book wasn’t there. Disappointment. 

“James. I hope you didn’t kill Snape and stuff him in my trunk. You and I both know blood is hard to get out.” The compartment door closed with a snap. Remus looked around in confusion to see Sirius sit back down, crosslegged, on the floor. Sirius was concentrating on a device in his hands that Remus didn’t recognize. 

“We’re here to ask you what you think you’re doing talking with Evans. How are you on a first-name basis with her? Did you talk with her over the summer? Are you two dating?” 

“We’re not here to be creepy and weird,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes. 

“Well, that’s a relief,” Remus said. “I thought slamming the door was a bit odd, but if you say you’re not here to be weird then I feel very assured.” 

“We want to talk to you about our secret project!” Peter cried out. He had that same overjoyed look he’d had ever since the project had first started. Remus felt a small bubble of the same excitement in himself. 

"Really? You want to tell me about your project?” He stopped and narrowed his eyes. It would never be this easy. They’d been talking about this secret project for over a year now. He was concerned about how destructive it would be once complete considering James and Sirius were normally so impatient. “You realize I’m a prefect now. Are you trying to trick me, keep me from finding out the real project?” James laughed. 

“You wouldn’t turn us in. Besides, you’ll be too busy reveling in the greatness of our work,” James said with confidence. “And by our, I mean our.” James gestured between himself and Remus and gave a dramatic wink. 

“Well, if you want to tell me, you had best be quick. I have to go out and herd small children soon. I hear we get lassos.” His joke was followed by silence. Sirius had looked up from whatever he was working on and was watching Remus with consideration. Finally he shrugged and turned back to whatever he was messing with. 

“We’re working on a map,” he said simply. It was decisively anti-climactic. 

“You’re working on a map,” Remus repeated. “And you have chosen to tell me now because…” James tossed something at him and Remus looked at his own book in surprise. 

“How long have you been reading Zacharaiah Callan’s _Cryptic Cartography and Finding Your Way Out?_ ” James asked. Remus shrugged. 

“Found it in an old second hand shop. Looked interesting.” 

“We haven’t read that one yet,” Sirius said. Remus disliked the way Sirius wouldn’t look at him when he talked, as if Sirius was bored. It was one of many habits that drove him crazy about Sirius. “Didn’t even know it existed, to be honest. But the table of contents looks promising.” 

“Your approval is all I ever needed,” Remus said. He put the book back in his trunk, then checked that all his belongings were ready for the elves to take them to the castle. 

“We’re serious about the map. Plan to have it track the whole school.” 

“James, while that sounds all well and impossible, I should remind you that you’d need a floor plan first, something that is extraordinarily difficult when the location in question changes constantly.” 

“It’s been done. They made maps of the mazes of Macedonia,” James replied. 

“Those were only in two dimensions,” Remus said. “The castle, as you remember, is three dimensional. Also, only the walls moved in the maze; Hogwarts has whole rooms that change location. You’d have to track all the rooms and figure out their patterns before you could even hope to make a worthwhile map.” 

“See, Sirius, I told you he’d be good at working out the problems,” James said to Sirius. 

“I’m not working out problems,” Remus said. “I’m dictating problems. No matter how smart the lot of you think you are, you’re not going to be able to do this. You might have a chance with me, but I have better things to do then sit around on an impossible project.” 

“I bet you can’t,” Peter said. 

“What?” Remus asked, looking at the chubby boy. Peter shrugged. 

“I bet you can’t make the map. I’ll bet you 10 galleons you can’t do it.” James looked at Peter with approval. 

“I’ll add in 10 galleons as well. You might’ve read all about it, but Sirius was right after all. Never should’ve bothered you on it. Don’t worry about it.” 

“I’ll put 20 galleons down,” Sirius said. He was grinning at Remus now. “No way Lupin can manage this. Too complex for dear old Moony.” Remus hated that name. James and Sirius had thought it up near two years ago. He knew Sirius was using it to make him angry, just like they were goading him with bets. It was working. 

“I’ll take your 20 galleons and force you to eat one whole,” Remus retorted. “Alright. I can spare some time to take 40 galleons off of the lot of you.” Remus gave Sirius the bird as he left. Remus normally didn’t like to do things out of spite, but at that point he’d do anything to take that shit-eating grin off of Sirius’s face. 

“Told you he’d be happy to join,” he heard James say before the door shut. To curb his anger Remus focused on his tasks to come, such as leading a slew of eleven year olds through the castle to Gryffindor Tower. It turned out fine, though. Most of the questions involved supposed monsters in the castle. Remus confirmed their beliefs and suggested a few more boogey men to watch out for. He wasn’t sure if the kids thought it was cool or if they’d have nightmares. He suspected it was about half and half, but the boys would never admit it. So he caved and told them that the teachers had captured the last one over the summer, and now all the various monsters would only be used to fight NEWT students during their exams. He figured by then they were bound to know the truth. Hopefully. Probably. Maybe.


	3. Hey! Listen!

_September 15, 1976_

 

“Hey, are you busy?” Remus looked up from his essay to see Sirius climb up and sit on the table. Remus gave up in February two years past to explain to Sirius that chairs were for sitting, and tables or desks or the ends of stair bannisters were not. 

“I’m finishing my homework for tomorrow,” Remus replied, then looked again at his book.

“Cool, listen to this,” Sirius continued, speaking quickly. “So I was walking out on the lawn, thinking I’d waste some time watching Andy and James practicing, when Amy Dalton comes out of nowhere.”

“Apparition is impossible on Hogwarts grounds.” Sirius tried to flick Remus’s ear but the hand was batted away.

“Out of a _figurative_ nowhere. As I was saying, before I was quite rudely interrupted, Amy comes up to me, and she’s asking about the Hogsmeade weekend coming up. So I tell her that, of course I’m looking forward to it, since it’ll be the first of the year and I’m out of sweets. I think James stole it all.”

“James does have sticky fingers, but that may be after he steals sweets. This is a true chicken and the egg dilemma,” Remus said. Sirius frowned at Remus but kept talking.

“So Amy asked if I’d go down to Hogsmeade with her. So obviously she’s impressed by my good looks and superior intelligence. I told her sure, that sounded good to me, but there was no reason we had to wait until then. We’d been walking along, still headed towards the Quidditch pitch, and I remember that overhang out by the woods, so we went there and snogged. I think we’re dating now.”

“You, sir, are a truly romantic specimen.” This time Remus was too slow to escape Sirius’s attack. His ear stung and Remus rubbed it in annoyance.

“What’s wrong with you lately? Do you even know when you’re joking anymore?”

“I am an enigma, shrouded in mystery and bandages. Also, what do you mean, lately?”

“You didn’t used to be this difficult. Used to talk with me and James and not act as if everything was depressing and awful.” Sirius was partly right. Through third year or so they had been close (ish), but then there’d been that secret project and they were off doing their own things. Remus just assumed that, after the excitement of learning Remus’s condition, they’d finally gotten bored with him. And Remus didn’t like tagging along unwanted.

“I’m not depressing, I’m cynical. There is a fine line between the two, which is named delusion.”

“You should stop spending time alone,” Sirius said. From the look on his face Remus almost believed he was concerned. “I think it’s doing funny things to your head.”

“As long as I’m funny,” Remus replied. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Fine, be that way. I’ll leave you to your work, then.” Remus frowned, wondering why Sirius had come to talk to him at all, or why he seemed so upset leaving. _Probably just wanted to brag_ , he thought, before returning to his essay.


	4. Study Hall and Anemic Horses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recall the warning for offensive language.

_September 26, 1976_

 

Remus and Lily had been assigned to watch study hall for the second and third years, which he found refreshing, even if they had to talk in low voices to pass the time. He didn’t get along well with the other prefects. For some reason they all thought Remus was unfriendly and treated him coldly. Probably the way he didn’t converse so much as self-deprecatingly mocked. Lily for some reason wasn’t deterred by his deluge of sarcastic quips. But then things got weird when Snape came in and sat at their table.

“Severus, you shouldn’t be here.”

“I have a free period,” he mumbled. He crossed his arms and rested his head on the desk. “How often do you have to do this?”

“Every other week or so,” Lily said.

“That’s awful,” Snape said. It was surreal; Remus actually agreed with him that this was awful. Snape kept talking to Lily as if Remus wasn’t there. “I’m sorry about your sister.” Lily shrugged.

“I’m over it. She’ll leave school this year, so I probably won’t see her as much.”

“Still. I know you are family.” There was a lull in the conversation again. Remus fought the urge to tap his pencil repeatedly on the desk if only to end the silence. The full was approaching and that made him restless. He decided to try his hand at drawing. He put the pencil on the paper only to realize he had no idea what to draw.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around much this summer,” Lily said. “We spent all of July out of town.”

“It’s alright,” Snape said. “I’m sure you had fun.”

“As much fun as Petunia can make anything.”

“She has a face like a horse.” Snape turned from looking out over the classroom towards Lily and, consequently, Remus. “I didn’t say before, because she’s your sister. But her face is horse shaped.” Lily laughed, then abruptly tried to control herself.

“She does have a kind of horse face, doesn’t she?” Remus suddenly realized he had started drawing a horse. It looked very very wrong. It was a horribly anemic horse. He started to cross it out with vigor.

Some things just needed to be put out of their misery.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked, peering over his shoulder.

“Oh, making glue, you know…” Lily stopped his pencil.

“You can’t draw at all,” she said with a laugh.

“He’s talentless, I’m sure.” Snape was giving Remus a nasty glare. Even after Lily rapped his shoulder lightly. Snape didn’t take his hate-filled glare off of Remus.

“Snape, you are making me feel quite uncomfortable,” Remus said. “I realize you are mesmerized by my face, but it is like a basilisk. Too much to be taken in all at once. You ought to try blinking, or, a crazy concept, looking at anything else.”

“Honestly. I think you two would get along if you tried,” Lily said. “You certainly could match each other for snarky comments.”

“I am 100% certain I can win that match,” Remus said without hesitation. “No, 120%. I will bet you on it.”

“I am better than you in every way, dirt-blood pikey.” Lily rapped Snape’s shoulder so hard he flinched.

“How can you go about calling people things like that!” Snape rubbed his shoulder. “Are your housemates saying things like that?”

“Don’t talk about my housemates,” Snape sneered. “At least I don’t have Potter and Black in my house.”

“At least they don’t go on and on about impure blood and all that… stupid, dark stuff. I don’t know why you listen to them.”

“Not all Muggles are saints, either,” Snape said. Lily looked minutely contrite.

“Well, we both know that. Doesn’t mean you throw everyone out a window.”

“I think the term is throwing the baby out with the bath water,” Remus said. Snape and Lily turned to him in confusion. “I mean, if you wanted to know what’s been traditionally said.”

“Aren’t you friends with Black and Potter?” Snape asked. Remus shrugged.

“My talents do not include sustaining friendships well, but it seems to be something people say is true.” Snape turned back to Lily.

“I don’t want to waste my time around the likes of him. You’re going to Slughorn’s party tonight?” Lily nodded. “Good, I’ll talk to you there. Don’t let Lupin put any stupid ideas into your head.”

“Ignore him,” Lily said as soon as Snape was out of earshot. “I suspect Black and Potter have been bullying him again.”

“I wouldn’t bet against that,” Remus said. “This is hard.”

“What’s hard?” Lily asked.

“I’m trying to think of a sufficiently stupid idea to put in your head, but even _that’s_ not in my talents.” Lily bit back a laugh, then asked him to draw more horribly sickly horses.


	5. Questions and Wrappers

_October 9, 1976_

 

Remus woke up gradually, becoming cognizant of his surroundings slowly. His right arm felt tight; he vaguely recalled the wolf biting through it, or at least trying to, last night. There also was a large weight on the left side of the bed. He opened his eyes sluggishly to see James sitting cross-legged on the bed eating a chocolate frog.

“What are you doing here?” Remus asked hoarsely.

“Finally convinced Pomfrey to let me in. You hungry?” He offered an unopened frog in Remus’s direction. “Got sugar quills, too. A few other things.” Remus shook his head. He normally couldn’t keep anything down until dinner the night after a moon. James shrugged. Remus tried to look around the room. The curtains were closed towards the door; on the other side was James and the far wall. Like usual, Remus was in the far bed of the hospital wing. He listened carefully and heard Madam Pomfrey in her office.

“Why do I feel you aren’t being sincere?” Remus asked.

“Probably ‘cause I’m not. Anyway. Thought it was stupid you had to sit in here all alone. Do you normally wake up this early?” Remus nodded, and James looked shocked. “I’d go crazy if Pomfrey kept me in a bed like this all day.”

“Oddly enough, I’m actually quite tired. Didn’t sleep well, you know.” James nodded as if Remus had been perfectly serious. Which he supposed he actually was.

“So… what’s it like?” James asked.

“Pardon?” James just gestured vaguely towards Remus’s body.

“The whole becoming a wolf thing. We didn’t talk about it that much in second year, what it was really like for you. Just things like, do you like raw meat, or whether you had a pack or not, which you didn’t obviously. So, what’s it like.”

“It’s painful,” Remus said shortly.

“But like, how painful? Like, I just spilt hot tea on myself painful, or someone just cut off my arm and my blood is spewing everywhere painful?”

“Well to give the long version… Have you ever been burnt?” Remus asked. James nodded. “Okay, well, imagine instead of stopping, the burn just eats away into your bones, and then it tears through your flesh until it’s not your body anymore, but another’s. The wolf’s. And you should keep in mind, I strictly mean third degree burn level of pain. Actually, let’s call these eight degree burns.”

“That sounds very painful,” James said and bit off the head of a chocolate frog. Remus nodded, but James apparently wasn’t done asking. “Is it painful the whole night? Do you remember stuff?” Remus sighed and resigned himself to the fact that James wasn’t going anywhere. He knew how persistent James Potter could be.

“Kind of. It’s weird. The whole process of becoming a wolf is pretty painful, so that’s hard to remember beyond just… you know, pain. But the wolf… 

“It’s like having something in your head that’s rushing beyond you. Before you can look at something and figure out what it is, the wolf has already snapped its teeth at it. You can’t really stop or control anything, but you can kind of watch as it spins wildly out of control. So what I remember, it’s more like bits. Those moments where I almost remember that whatever I’m doing is really bad and will have horrible consequences. But at the same time, it’s hard, because I also kind of think, when I’m there, that it seems like such a good idea?”

“How’s that?” James asked. He was sucking on a quill now, but he was completely transfixed by Remus and his description of the wolf.

“It’s just like,… The wolf isn’t 100% this _other_ thing. I’m there too, and I kind of believe that they’re good ideas, even though they’re clearly not. When I was a kid, I actually broke free. We just didn’t have a better way of restraining me. So I remember chasing some animals. Don’t even know what they were. But the wolf wasn’t really angry. It didn’t want to destroy things. It thought it was a game.”

“But the end of the game was death, right?”

“Yeah, the end of the game was the wolf killing the animals and tearing them apart, but it still felt like a game. I was really happy. I mean it was really happy. I guess that’s it. The wolf is moving forward at full speed, whether it’s angry or happy, and it doesn’t really matter because I’ll destroy anything in that state, and it’s painfully terrifying to be in a head that’s going 1000 miles per hour, nose to the road.” Remus shook his head, suddenly realizing how much he’d said. He couldn’t recall a time he’d said so much about his condition to anybody. Mr. Aselthorp certainly didn’t want to know. Remus was already regretting it. “I’m sorry. It’s not really important. You should really just know to steer clear of werewolves. We’re seriously dangerous.”

“But the wolf likes to play, right?” James said. “Like, if you were dealing with bigger animals, ones the wolf wouldn’t hunt? Then it’d just be like a game, running around and such?” 

“Maybe,” Remus said with a shrug. “It doesn’t really matter. I have to stay in the Shrieking Shack anyway.” James nodded.

“But when you’re alone, you tear yourself up?” Remus nodded. “That’s awful, Moony.”

“I don’t approve of this nickname,” Remus said.

“Well, that’s why it’s your nickname. No one gets to choose their nickname!” James looked up at the sound of a door shutting. He jumped from the bed, made a shushing gesture at Remus, then disappeared into nowhere. Literal nowhere. Remus looked with concern at where James had been when Madam Pomfrey pulled back the curtain.

“Mr. Lupin! You’re awake. …Where did all these candy wrappers come from?”


	6. Good Blood Always Shows Itself

_November 1, 1976_

 

“James, this is beyond the pale. I can’t ignore this.” Remus set his bag down and began searching inside. He found a quill and ink, but not what he really needed.

“Oh come on, Remus. It was a joke.” James threw his arm around Remus’s shoulder and hugged him conspiratorially. “They said they wanted something scary for Halloween, and boy, was _that_ scary. Right? Moony, my buddy?”

“Jumping out from around a corner is scary. Making their dorm room walls bleed is simply wrong. I don’t even want to know how you did it, or why you would ever look anything like that up. And stop calling me Moony.”

“It wasn’t real blood,” James countered.

“That is so far from the issue that I think I need to draw you a map. No, _not that map_.” Remus finally found what he was looking for and took the pad of papers from his bag. “You have probably scarred an entire dorm room of twelve year olds for life. I’m giving you detention.”

“No you’re not,” James said with a laugh. Remus finished writing out the slip and shoved it into James’s hand.

“And twenty points.”

“This… This is a joke, right? Right? You can’t give me detention.” The mirth started to die in James’s eyes as the reality of the situation set in.

“I just did. Poof, you have detention. Happy Halloween, and may my corruption under newly awarded power haunt your nightmares.”

“Pull yourself together…”

“No. This is together. Don’t try to act friendly. I am a prefect and prefects give detentions. I do my job.” Remus didn’t know why he felt so upset suddenly. He was really upset, actually. James looked shocked.

“You know, if someone had told me that that quiet first-year Lupin would yell at anyone, I’d’ve bet them any amount of money they’d be wrong. Least of all yell at me,” James said bitterly.

“Well, I guess I’ve changed.”

“Yeah. Yeah you’ve changed a lot.” James folded the detention slip carefully and put it in his pocket. With a tight smile he nodded to Remus and walked away. Remus looked at the small group of fourth years, all staring at the spectacle.

“This isn’t a show,” Remus yelled and walked away. This was his job, and Remus knew one thing above all else. You do your job, or you fend for yourself.

 

_November 1, 1972_

 

Remus sat at the back of the class in the corner, out of the way. He carefully pulled out parchment, a quill, and ink. His hand was very tired from writing, but he knew he had to take notes. He closed his bag again and placed it under the desk. He sat with a straight back, facing forward but his eyes low. He spared a few glances at his classmates, though. Everything was very different. It was the first time Remus could remember being around kids his own age. He also had a trunk full of brand new books, quills, clothes - everything. Nothing that was thrown out by someone or used. He didn’t have any chores or work, only classes and studies and writing. Far more writing than he was used to.

“Hallo, Lupin.” Remus looked up in surprise as James Potter dropped into a seat next to him.

“Good afternoon, Potter.” Remus felt anxious. He was used to speaking with adults, always “sir” or “ma’am”. But that wasn’t how to deal with other children. He didn’t have any experience in this; he was going to mess it up, and messing things up was basically the worst thing to do ever. So he mostly avoided everyone, which was what he had planned on doing anyway.

“Relax. Don’t sit so straight, kids ought to have bad posture. Like fun and games, it is just what boyhood is about.” Remus rubbed at his wrist, then swiftly stopped himself and folded his hands.

“I suppose I’m not a kid, then,” Remus said quietly. Potter looked at him like he was crazy.

“Remus, right? Remus Lupin. Well, I am a foremost authority on this, as well as many other things. You are, in fact, a kid. Are you going to tell me I’m wrong?”

“Of course not,” Remus said. Not telling Potter he was wrong didn’t make it a truth, of course.

“So. Remus. Tell me about yourself.” Remus turned in shock. He was so baffled that he entirely forgot his place.

“What?”

“Tell me about yourself. It’s been two months and yet, no one knows anything about you. Inquiring minds want to know.”

“There’s nothing to know about me,” Remus said, turning forward again. “I need to pay attention.”

“Class doesn’t start for five minutes. Come on, Remus, tell me something. Like where do your parents live.”

“I don’t have parents,” Remus said calmly. He rubbed at his wrist again. The stiff fabric of his shirt sleeve was rough on his wrist.

“Oh,” Potter said. “So then who do you live with?”

“I live with Mr. Aselthorp,” Remus said. He had a feeling he wasn’t supposed to talk about that. But he also knew he had to give some answer. Ignoring the question was definitely not an option. He felt for the first time that maybe coming to school had been a huge mistake. But then he thought about how he could eat as much food as he wanted, and the beds were really nice, and he got to pretend he wasn’t a werewolf at all.

“You don’t call him that, do you?” Potter asked.

“Of course I do. What else would I call him?”

“I don’t know. Something that doesn’t sound so stiff and formal. Do you ever relax? What do you do for fun?” Remus chanced another glance at Potter. The dark haired boy was eating a chocolate frog and staring at Remus. Remus was used to being stared at. But he wasn’t used to answering questions about himself.

“What do I do for fun?” Remus asked.

“Yeah, for fun. Cor you’re hard to talk to.”

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Remus said. “I don’t mind.”

“That’s stupid. I want to talk to you.”

“Okay,” Remus said. He paused, considering his answer. Was he supposed to be honest? Was this a test? If it was, what was the right answer? He didn’t know at all.

“I like to read,” he decided on.

“I don’t mean studying,” Potter said. Remus smiled a little.

“No, I mean stories. Sometimes I find books, used, or ones that people are getting rid of. I like reading about other people and how they live.” Mr. Aselthorp didn’t give Remus much time to read, but Mr. Aselthorp also had a habit of going out for drinks and leaving Remus alone for a few days. Then Remus was on his own and free to do whatever he liked.

“Hm. I don’t like books much. Seems like a waste of time,” Potter said. Remus shrugged, unsure what to say about that. “Sirius has a collection of books, though. He likes this series, I think it’s called Beilleight Woods. You should ask him about it, because he wants me to read it and I told him that it was stupid. Then he dyed my tongue green, and I put a frog in his shoes. They’re probably good though. He’d probably lend you one.”

“That’s fine; I don’t want to bother him,” Remus tried to say, but Potter was already yelling across the classroom.

“Sirius! That what’s-it series. The one you like!” Sirius Black turned from his position sitting on his desk. He looked thoroughly peeved.

“Potter, if you say one more word about those books I am going to fill your trunk with flobberworms.”

“Remus wants to read them; you should lend them to him,” James said, ignoring the threat to his worldly possessions. Potter was basically insane. Black shifted his focus to Remus.

“Yeah, alright,” Black said, even as Remus tried to explain that everything was alright and he didn’t want to bother anyone.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, quiet down,” Professor McGonagall said. “This is a classroom, not a sporting event. And we sit in _chairs_ , Mr. Black.” Remus picked up his quill and turned forward again. He nearly had a heart attack when Potter elbowed him and started whispering at him.

“See, told ya. But you should come and play Snap with me. I’ll teach you all the tricks.” Potter continued to whisper until the Professor not only took points, but forced Potter to move to an empty desk in the front.

That evening, Black came to Remus and handed him a book. The spine was barely broken and none of the pages were torn. Remus read that one, and every other one Black had, reverently turning each page so as not to ruin its condition.

 

_November 1, 1976_

 

Remus snuck into the James’s dorm while everyone was at dinner. He searched around until he found the detention slip and ripped it to shreds. He picked up a quill and wrote James a note, his hand shaking a little:

Remus left the room as quickly as he could. He knew this was probably a bad decision, but he didn’t know what the good decision was and James had always been kind. Remus couldn’t go around punishing one of the few people who supported him, lycanthropy and all. Actually, he was having problems punishing anyone in the school. Having power - real, formal power - over others just seemed bizarre. It wasn’t right, really. Maybe that’s why for once he was having a problem fulfilling his role to its fullest.


	7. A Winner is You

_November 19, 1976_

 

Remus didn’t know why he was even coming to this. It was an event for the school’s Gobstone Club, a tournament really. It was open to non-club members, but Remus wasn’t going to play. Somehow Peter had cajoled him into watching. So he found himself sitting, watching players slowly deliberate over their moves, with Peter whispering to him.

“Okay, so that there is a Thaler Gambit. It’s a risky move, but Thompson’s up, right? He can afford the risk, probably, and if he succeeds then he can’t possibly lose.”

“Of course, I see.” Remus had a whole string of responses. He picked them at random. He had no idea what was going on. Someone could bring out a giraffe and he wouldn’t wonder what it was for. But Peter was very involved. He’d won his second round and was waiting for everyone else to finish.

“Wow. Just. I… okay, that was a really, really interesting play. See, it looks like he’s putting the red stone out on a limb, but what’s _really_ happening is the green stone. See, it has a clear shot, right? But it’s been buried there so long, Thompson might’ve forgotten it. Thompson does that; he gets so wrapped up in the newest plays, and he makes a lot of mistakes.”

“Yes, I see that now.” Thompson made a move, and Lawson quickly followed up.

“Oh wow. Oh wow.” Both players were moving quickly now. Thompson looked suddenly worried. “Oh wow. Lawson got it. He came back. I can’t believe what I’m seeing.”

“I didn’t even think of that.”

“Oh this is over. Thompson should just forfeit. But Lawson is just destroying him. This is so amazing. I can’t believe this.” Lawson made the final strike and Thompson buried his head in his hands. Apparently it was over. Peter was clapping, and he wasn’t alone though he was the most spirited. Remus followed suit, but for the life of him Gobstones had never made any sense.

“That was just amazing. I’m so happy you were here to see that. Just… wow.”

“I thought you asked me to be here for moral support?” Remus said. He was still at a loss how Peter had convinced him to come. Not that he didn’t like Peter; it was just they hadn’t seen much of each other since last February.

“Well, yes, but it’s also good to watch. You could probably be pretty good at Gobstones if you tried.”

“No, I’ve tried and it’s not in me.” It was true. Remus was awful at the game. Even with Peter’s help he somehow mucked things up.

“I think you could. You’re very clever you know. I mean, you aren’t just good with all those pest animals. You’re nearly the best at Defence. Better than James, I think.” Peter had a way of working compliments into everything. It was very uplifting; Remus was starting to remember how Peter had talked him into this in the first place.

“Well, you know, so many dangerous creatures about, I’d hate to be caught off-guard.” Peter patted Remus’s shoulder in a camaraderie fashion as he stood to go to round three.

“Alright, wish me look. It’s the semi-finals, and I want to have you ready to cheer me on.”

“Why didn’t you ask James or Sirius to come?” Remus asked. Peter looked at him like he was an idiot.

“Because James just yells out stupid moves and makes a fool of himself, and Sirius sits in the back working on some project no one knows that explodes half the time. I mean, they’re great friends - _best_ of friends - but they can’t replace _you_.”

Remus had nothing to say to that. So he settled in to watch Peter play another round. Julie Devoire sat down next to him.

“Hey, Lupin,” she said. “I hear Black’s been telling you all about Amy.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Remus said. Peter was setting up the board to play against Brianne Halls, Julie’s best friend. That explained why she was talking to him, at least.

“No, tell me. Everyone’s curious. Does he _really_ like her, or is he just hoping to… You know.”

“If you have to ask, you’ll never know.”

“So he _is_?”

“Is what?”

“Is… you know.”

“Know what?”

“What do you mean?”

“What does anything mean?” Remus countered. Julie looked utterly confused. Remus had forgotten how simple she was. So much for Questions.

“Nothing. Aren’t you here to cheer Brianne on?”

“Oh, no, she’ll do great. She’s the best there is at Gobstones.”

“…Would you like to place a bet on that?” Remus asked. Julie shrugged.

“For what?”

“For money, of course.”

“I don’t really need money,” Julie said. Then her face broke into a huge grin. “I know. We can bet on a kiss.”

“What?” Remus asked. “You want to bet on us kissing?”

“No no no, not like that. Whoever wins, they get to decide on _who_ the other person has to kiss. It’ll be fun.”

Remus felt torn. He didn’t like backing down from a bet. But it was such a _weird_ bet. Give it to Julie Devoire to make things weird. She and Brianne were trouble.

“Okay. But I’m not kissing a guy. I’m not signing up for that.”

“Deal,” Julie said. “I wasn’t even planning on that. What would even put that in your mind?” Julie was looking at him like a cat at a mouse. Remus turned to the game already in play.

“I’ve made enough bad bets to read the fine print.”

“Okay, whatever you say. So if Brianne wins, I get to tell you to kiss someone before the month is out. And if Peter wins, you tell _me_ who to kiss before the month is out.”

“Before the end of November?”

“Yes, before then. And no mentioning the bet to anyone. That’d just ruin the experience.”

“Okay, it’s a bet.” Remus tried to think of who he’d even tell Julie to kiss. He felt pretty confident that Peter would win. He had no idea what was going on, of course. But all that really mattered was the outcome.

He could tell Julie to kiss Peter. Pete’d probably enjoy that, and he had literally earned it. Julie wasn’t bad at all. But it didn’t really feel like a real bet that way. Besides, what if Julie ignored Peter after that? Wasn’t worth putting him through that.

Remus tried to think instead of who Julie didn’t get along with. That would make the bet really interesting. And what was a bet without a good payout?

“So do we decide who we have to kiss before or after the match?” Remus asked. Peter was smiling, the only sign that Remus could take that Peter was winning.

“Well, I already know mine,” Julie said. She sounded pretty chuffed over it.

“Alright who,” Remus asked. She shrugged.

“Did you pick someone?”

“Yeah, but I asked first.” Julie shrugged.

“Okay. If Brianne wins, _you_ have to kiss Amy Thayer.”

“Amy Thayer? She’s a sixth year, right?”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know _everything_ about Amy Thayer.”

“Alright, alright. If I lose, I have to kiss Thayer.” Remus got a little worried as Peter frowned over the Gobstones board. He really did not feel like kissing Amy Thayer. He had no idea how he would make that happen. But he was trying to find a good match for Julie.

“So what about me?” Julie asked.

“What?” Remus said, trying to buy time.

“Who do I have to kiss if Peter wins?” Remus suddenly had it in his head.

“You have to kiss Lucas Tecson.”

“What? He’s a fourth year. And so scrawny.”

“A bet’s a bet,” Remus said. Julie gave him a sour look, and Remus felt he’d played that right.

Unless he lost. In which case he was going to have a really lousy couple of weeks trying to get close to Thayer.

“You know Peter’s going to win,” Remus said after fifteen minutes of silence. There weren’t that many people watching, and nearly everyone who was was in the club. They were all watching quietly, rapt. Only he and Julie seemed indifferent.

“No he’s not,” Julie said. A minute later Brianne knocked her piece off in forfeit.

“Yes,” Remus said, grinning.

“No.”

“YES.”

“No no no no no.” Remus was grinning. He threw his arms up. “YES! Congratulations, Peter! That match was amazing!”

“Don’t lie to me, I got it by the skin of my teeth.” But Peter was grinning. He beamed at Julie, but she just shook her head and walked quickly away.

“What’s her problem?” he asked. Remus shrugged.

“Guess she just really wanted Brianne to win.”

“Well, too bad. I’ve only got one match to go.”

Peter lost the final in the end, but Remus found it easy to console him. After all, they’d had a win overall in his mind.


	8. It's For Cat Squashing

_November 30, 1976_

__  


It wasn’t that they weren’t friends, per se. Everyone in the dorm was friends, to some extent. It’s what happened when you all lived together, year after year. It was just he hadn’t been spending time with James and Sirius much at all. Ever since James and Sirius had put 2 and 13 together late in second year, Remus had known they were the good sort of people. They treated him mostly the same, excepting Sirius’s penchant for crafting pointed insults including this new information. But then they had all these secrets, the biggest being The Secret Project, and Remus realized they weren’t close friends after all. It wasn’t that bad, he figured. They’d treated him the same after learning about the werewolf issue, which meant amiable conversations in passing, general jokes and complaints about school, and occasionally studying. Remus had been terrified for a month, then gradually accepted it. They said they wouldn’t tell anyone, and then they went back to what had been. Maybe slightly more smug, since only Remus could know how ‘brilliantly they had deciphered the truth’. Which made this very weird.

It was really crowded at the desk. Remus was squashed between James and Sirius, and Peter was hunched over the sheet as well. They’d only mapped out one section of the first floor, but they hadn’t solved the problem of the moving rooms. Sirius and James were talking, but it didn’t make any sense to Remus. Remus hadn’t been privy to James’s and Sirius’s personal conversations for a while. Remus had always assumed their families knew each other, and that’s why they talked like they shared a brain. He found their method of talking ambiguous and circuitous. He didn’t think Peter was keeping up, either.

“Yeah, I was thinking about that room, but I don’t think it moves except every other month.”

“There’s got to be a pattern. Maybe it’s based off of the seasons?”

“That would explain the way it’s never the same every year…”

“I’m sorry,” Remus interrupted. “How are the seasons not the same every year?”

“Because the weather doesn’t change like that,” Sirius snapped with his fingers, “and then it’s winter. It’s gradual.” James nodded as if that was the only explanation that made sense.

“I mean, we could try -“

“Yeah, yeah, I remember that charm, it knows the true direction, but, how will it know the true _alignment_?”

“We could adapt it?”

“Oh yeah, like with that -“

“Oh, no, no not that one.”

“I’ve got it,” Remus said. James and Sirius kept babbling, but Remus was pulling out a fresh sheet of parchment. Peter watched intently. Remus left big circles with large question marks for the details he couldn’t remember. But he knew it’d work. Theoretically it was perfect.

“Oh Merlin’s… James, Sirius, look at this!” Peter said.

“What?” James asked, sounding bored. Then he looked over the notes.

“What’s that?” Sirius asked.

“It’s a tracking spell,” Remus said. “We tag the rooms.”

“What?” James asked.

“We can’t look for patterns, because there aren’t any. Or they’re too complicated. But if we tag each room, it can act like a beacon to the map. At any point, the map will just search out and find all the tags, then create the map as needed. It means you need to keep creating the map, but it will work as you need it.” Sirius placed a sloppy kiss on the crown of Remus’s head.

“You’re a _genius_ ,” he said.

“Woo me with gifts, not words,” Remus said blithely.

“Hey, could these tags find people in the rooms?” James asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, when it tells the map where the room is, could it also tell the map what’s _in_ the room?” Remus shrugged.

“Maybe? I only remember half of the spell, if you look at my notes.”

“Yeah, but you _solved it.”_

“I get the money,” Remus said without hesitation.

“No way,” said Peter. “It has to be done before the payout.” James nodded in agreement.

“Yes, no galleons until its complete. Got to work out all the knots, yeah?”

__  


_December 6, 1977_

  


It was James’s birthday. That was very scary, Remus thought. Two years back it had been a huge incident, and that was not an exaggeration. Madam Pomfrey nearly called in specialists from St. Mungo’s. So Remus was cautious. He knew he, Will, and Andy would all be there for the big event. In fact, if they didn’t come to James’s dorm, they’d have been man-handled there. As far as Gryffindor was concerned, this was the biggest birthday of the year. Not because it was more important, but because James made such a big deal of it. He tried to get gifts from everyone, but it normally boiled down to the Gryffindor boys huddled on the dorm beds. But he milked it for all it was worth. James always wanted everyone there for his birthday. He didn’t really much care what they got him, as long as it was fun or delicious. Remus felt like he’d done well this year. He’d actually taken the book from his own collection. He couldn’t find another copy. But it was time to pass the torch, he supposed.

“Pass them around, my mother sent the best cookies in England,” James said.

“Aren’t we in Scotland?” Remus asked, but was pushed into a pillow by Andrew.

“PRESENTS!” James yelled.

“Alright, next gift next gift.” Remus pushed his wrapped gift into James’s greedy hands.

“Well I can already feel that it’s a book…”

“Boo!” Sirius called in disapproval until Remus’s pillow hit Sirius in the face.

“I know it’s a book. It’s really heavy though,” James said, pulling off the wrapping. He looked at it in confusion. “This title is entirely too long.”

“Most people refer to it as Colonel Sassacre’s Really Big Book. Ideal for cat squashing, actually.”

“I don’t even want to ask,” James said, flipping through it. He started laughing and Remus knew it’d been a good choice. Even if it looked like it had lived through an apocalypse.

“What is it? What are you grinning at?” William asked. “Should we be worried? I don’t want a repeat of third year, because I like all my bits in one piece.”

“Oi, Peter got fixed up right.”

“Please never talk about my bits being fixed, ever,” Peter laughed. He was loopy, grinning like a maniac. Remus was really worried James, Sirius, and Peter had drunk something before hand. Or taken something. Oh god he didn’t even know. There were no limits.

“Next gift next gift!” William tossed a package to James, who shook it vigorously.

“That’s cheating!” William said. “Just open it already.” James stuck his tongue out in Will’s vicinity but opened it anyway.

“Oh, hey, it’s the latest Quotes’ Quill!”

“Those are banned,” Remus said, and Will pushed him down into the mattress.

“They fixed most of the spelling errors. 70% effective, now!”

“Well, that’s great. Filch swiped my last one, and I’d already stolen it back once. Thanks, Will.”

“Can I get up now?” Remus asked, though it all came out as a muffled string of nonsense. He sat up and punched Will amiably in the shoulder. That was how these things worked, Remus knew. Up a little, down a little. Just keep up with the jabs and what not and things worked out. He was riding pretty steady for the evening, he thought. And that was what he could manage.

“Alright, mine now!” Peter said. He pushed two presents into James’s hands. “Don’t shake the big one!”

James smiled but complied. The big present turned out to be a cake, as expected.

“My parents cooked it up just for you,” Peter said. They were bakers, and good too. James about expected this by now.

“Well, let’s cut this masterpiece up. Sirius, the honors?” Sirius took the cake away while James dug into the other gift.

“Don’t expect too much!” Peter said. “I just thought you’d like it, really.” James pulled out a bright red shirt with a large, pointed collar.

“Oh this is fantastic.”

“Not too muggle?”

“It’s _fantastically_ muggle.” James pulled it over himself. “Look at it. Oh this is brill. Sirius, look at me! I look as obsessed with muggles as you!”

“Hilarious,” Sirius said. “In other news, cake?” Plates were passed around, but James tucked the shirt into his trunk. ‘For safe keeping.’

“What’s this one?” Will asked. It was a medium sized box, and from the way Will held it, not too heavy.

“Give it give it give it!” Will laughed as James took the box and tore into it. Will took a plate of cake in return. James opened the box and read a note in side.

“‘Happy birthday son. I am so proud of you.’” James frowned at the note and unceremoniously threw it over his shoulder. He pulled up a Quidditch jersey from inside the box.

“James,” Sirius said, slowly. “I thought you told me your dad gave you _that thing_ over the summer as a really early birthday present.”

“A half-birthday present,” James corrected. “And it wasn’t a _real_ present, he didn’t _buy_ it. It’s a family thing, he just said it was time he gave it.”

“And then this birthday present.”

“Look, Andrew, look, it’s Llewellyn!” James said. Andrew pulled the gift closer, clearly jealous.

“And you get Christmas presents in ten days?”

“Of course I get Christmas presents in ten days! It’s Christmas you moron.”

“And that random present in October.”

“It was Halloween,” James said, looking at Sirius in confusion. “You know I get Halloween presents every year.”

“That one in November?”

“I got sick.”

“It was a _cold_.”

“But it was a sick day present.”

“You’re spoiled,” Sirius stated. “I’ll say it again, like I say every year. You’re a rotten turnip. And coming from me, that’s disgusting.” James just grinned.

“But you wuv me Siri!” Sirius shoved James’s face into his slice of cake. Everyone laughed, except Peter who thought it was a waste of a really good cake. Remus watched with a sense of detachment. James was simultaneously trying to clean his face while talking animatedly with Andrew, who had successfully saved the jersey from the cake. Will was telling Peter how good the cake was this year, and Peter was practically beaming to talk about his parents and how well the bakery was doing. Sirius was actively _stopping_ James from cleaning his face, which only led to James sticking cake in Sirius’s hair and ear, and that was really disgusting. Remus was happy they were in James’s dorm and not his own. Even though this dorm smelled funny. Remus was sure his own dorm smelled a little funny because he was under the impression all boys’ dorms smelt funny, but this one was completely off the charts weird.

Remus’s thoughts got cut off when a chunk of cake hit his face. He calmly stared across the bed at James and Sirius. He didn’t know which had thrown it, since they were both laughing.

“It’s better than losing bits,” Remus deadpanned as he wiped his face off using James’s bedsheets.

  


*****

  


Remus was thinking about the cake. It was sitting badly in his stomach. He’d only eaten half a slice before excusing himself with just a wave from the birthday boy. And he was thinking about Andy and James forcing Will to try on the new muggle shirt which Will had the idiotic idea to call horrific. Remus couldn’t stop himself from thinking about the whole event, because the alternative was to think how he was sitting shivering in a rundown, splintering, heavily warded house waiting for his mind to go insane and his body to rip itself into tiny, bloody pieces. That led to thinking about James, and thinking about what he’d told James about the wolf, although for the life of him he couldn’t fathom why he had indulged James’s ridiculous curiosity. It made him anxious, like telling someone made it suddenly more real. His flesh was minutes away from burning through his core, and his mind would speed off into the deepest realms of ecstatic insanity. And there was nothing Remus could do about it. So he sat and thought about Sassacre and cakes and poor fashion choices.

The shack looked different than it had when he had first been here. Different, of course, since the wolf had done some redecorating. Perhaps one could call the wolf an abstract artist. That was a good way of thinking about it, Remus thought. Abstract art. Art came from the minds of the mad, didn’t it? Certainly the wolf was mad. From madness, great art.

Remus tried to think of another way to say that, and failed. The words had run their course.

Still. The shack beat the alternative.

  


_September 12, 1972_

  


Remus woke up on the ground, curled up. He could see blood. It took a while to realize it was his own. He oughtn’t be lying down, he thought. That meant the chains had broken. If the chains were broken, that was bad. It would undoubtedly be Remus’s fault, somehow.

It took a while for Remus to recognize the room. He’d only seen it for the first time last night. And he’d never woken up from a transformation inside a room as large and sturdy as this. Sometimes Aselthorp only had trees to fasten the wolf to, but they’d made it work. Some things just needed doing.

There was a sound from the hall, and Remus’s head whipped so fast he felt lightheaded. Too much blood loss, he reminded himself. He needed to keep from sudden movements. Why could he never learn that? He watched as a young woman entered with a large bag.

“Dear, you didn’t need to stay lying on the ground! Here, let’s get you up. I have some potions and we’ll do some work so you can come back on campus with me. There’s a dear.” Remus let the woman - Madam Pomfrey his mind reminded him - help him into a sitting position. She tried to help him into the bed, whose comforter was now shredded, but Remus really couldn’t manage it, try as he might.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. I’m fine here; you don’t need to worry about the bed.” She gave a little frown then put a potion into his hands. Remus looked at it, confused.

“Blood replenishing, dear. To help get you on your feet. Go on, drink up!” Remus did as he was told. It felt oddly cold running down his throat, but in no time the dizzy feeling in his head subsided. Madam Pomfrey was already working away at the worst wounds he’d gotten, and Remus watched with wonder. Her hand ran over a trail of scars on his arm.

“Whoever was helping you before did poorly at healing these. Very poorly!”

“Healing those, ma’am?”

“Yes, the person who helped you after the full moon before you were here.”

“You mean Mr. Aselthorp.”

“He was a mediwizard for the Lupins?” she asked as she worked. Remus shook his head.

“Mr. Aselthorp cares for me. We travel, and I help Mr. Aselthorp with his work, ma’am.” Madam Pomfrey stopped working and peered at Remus curiously.

“And he cares for you after the full moon.” Remus nodded. “How does he care for you?”

“He takes the chains off once the wolf is gone, then he lets me rest until the afternoon or so. I normally do chores and help with the work all day, but after the moon he lets me rest. Then we pack up and keep moving, to the next job, ma’am. Clearing away pests for all sorts of different people.” Madam Pomfrey’s hands had made it to the burns on Remus’s wrists. He didn’t know why she looked so upset about them. They were only burns.

“Well, he sounds like an awful man. You don’t need to worry about a thing because _I_ will be caring for you here.”

“No, ma’am,” Remus said quickly. “Mr. Aselthorp is a very good man. He lets me work with him, and he shares his food and the things he owns with me. He also spoke to Professor Dumbledore. Mr. Aselthorp told him that he thought I’d do well in school. It was very kind of him, ma’am. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Mr. Aselthorp.”

“Be that as it may,” Madam Pomfrey said with a conflicted look, “you’re here now, and I will see to it that all your wounds are healed and no new scars form. I believe you’ll be staying over Christmas.” Remus shrugged.

“I suppose so ma’am. I haven’t heard from Mr. Aselthorp, but it will probably be best for me to stay here. I wouldn’t want to bother him.” She shoved another potion into his hands and Remus obediently drank it. The pain in his muscles dimmed. He hadn’t even really noticed the pain, he was so used to it.

“Come. Here are some robes. Once you can walk, we’ll get you to the hospital wing. You’ll rest until I say you’re done resting. At minimum until tomorrow morning.” Remus was floored by the generosity. A whole day resting after the moon. That was really something to be thankful for. He was very tired.

  


_December 7, 1976_

  


Remus woke up on his back. That was good, that he wasn’t curled up. Curled up meant his body was more hurt. Of course, it was dangerous if there were blood in his mouth. He could choke. Not that Remus had much control over these things. He pushed himself up on shaky limbs. His left arm was trailed with blood. Huh. That looked like a new kind of wound. A curved row of punctures, but not spaced out right for teeth. Remus wondered what had done that.

Remus steeled himself for the sheer determination and perseverance that would get him across the room towards the bed. He actually didn’t mind lying on the floor. But Pomfrey was less fussy if he was in the bed. He supposed that she assumed he felt better if he made it to the bed. It hurt a lot to crawl there though. Remus grit his teeth through the pain. At least he had gained a high pain tolerance, he thought to himself. That might be useful.

Silver linings, he thought with a laugh. Shiny, treacherous silver linings.

Remus lifted himself up into the bed and let out a sigh of relief. Pomfrey fixed the bed most moons. It needed to be patched up after the wolf got at it. Remus remembered, sometimes, that the wolf liked pulling the feathers out and flinging them high. Like snow, Remus thought, except the wolf didn’t think that far. It was just this funny weird thing, and it involved chewing at this great soft rectangle, tearing it up. It was a very fun game. And Remus agreed, yes, that was a great game. Play that game _all night_. It was hard in winter though. The nights were far too long.

Pomfrey arrived after what felt like forever. Remus was desperate for those potions. He was losing even more blood by the minute. Remus almost felt like laughing. He really relied on Hogwarts now; they’d spoiled him on full moons. He’d have to go back to harsher methods once he left school. He wasn’t looking forward to the adjustment. He wasn’t looking forward to leaving school _at all_.

He downed the potions as soon as he could take them from Pomfrey’s hands. She smiled at him and looked at his left shoulder.

“What in heaven’s name did you _do_?”

“Hell if I know,” Remus said blithely. Madam Pomfrey was always soft-hearted after a full, so she didn’t yell at him for language. Still, she ought to know perfectly well this had nothing to do with heaven. She shushed him and went at it with her wand, a fine towel in her other hand to clean off the blood. He closed his eyes and rested until Pomfrey was ushering him up and back to school.


	9. 'I'll Be Your Best Friend!'

_December 7, 1976_

__   


Remus woke up feeling stiff. His joints were achy and didn’t want to move much. But at least his limbs seemed intact. There was also something big on the bed next to his head. Remus opened his eyes to see Sirius right next to him, leaning against the headboard and playing with that weird contraption again. It looked less like a sphere since the train, Remus noted. More oval-ish.

“If I’d known I’d have company, I would’ve prepared something,” Remus croaked. He looked for Madam Pomfrey; he desperately wanted a glass of water. He tried to sit up a little to see over Sirius. He wasn’t sure whether he liked visitors following the full moon. Regardless, that was the way things seemed to be. Remus accepted that.

“Oh good, you’re awake.” Sirius didn’t even look up from his weird whatever-it-was. “So. How was last night?”

“Refreshing. I almost feel like all my muscles have been renewed. Regrown even.” Remus struggled to sit up, pushing Sirius’s arm away. “I’m fine. Just thirsty.” Before he could get up, Sirius was already on his way across the room. Remus noted that Sirius was limping slightly. He came back with a pitcher and a glass. Remus downed the glass in one and poured another.

“So anyway, Will told us that his brother was going to bring in some alcohol, and invited us to join in.”

“You realize I’m a prefect and should turn you in for this.”

“I didn’t ask him what he’s bringing in,” Sirius said, speaking so quickly Remus wondered if he was getting any breaths in, “but I’m thinking of asking him to get rum, because I haven’t actually tried that yet, and I think it’s good to play the field a little before deciding on my poison, right?”

“Your poison?”

“That’s what they say. ‘Pick your poison.’ It’s a funny phrase, I kind of like it. You haven’t heard it before?”

“Stop talking. I don’t want to know this. Just go to class.”

“No I can’t go. It’s advanced astronomy, which means I’ll just be sitting with numbers and I can’t today. I don’t want to sit in class and be bored and not be able to talk. I really want to talk. Won’t you talk with me?” Sirius pouted, which looked entirely forced and not at all pitiable. “ _Please?_ Remus, please talk with me. I’ll be your best friend.”

“Last I checked we weren’t twelve, Sirius.” Remus realized that could be interpreted in more ways than one, though perhaps he meant it; Sirius wasn’t even messing with his toy, even seemed hurt for a moment, but then he plowed onwards. Which was stupid, second year _was_ the only time when Remus had ever been close to being Sirius’s “best friend”.

“Of course, why would we be drinking if we were twelve?”

“How did you even get Madam Pomfrey to let you in here?”

“Had a jelly legs jinx go wrong, actually turned my bones to jelly. She asked who and I said I wasn’t going to tell her.”

“You got James to do it.”

“He’s a great friend,” Sirius said with a grin. “Stuff Pomfrey gave me stings something awful, though. Probably shouldn’t be walking on it. Anyway, you should come drinking with us. It’ll be a bunch of seventh years, and should be pretty cool. I’m going to bring Amy, too.”

“I thought you two broke up. And then weren’t you dating Alexis?” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Amy THAYER, not Amy Dalton. Keep up, Remus! And I’ve never dated _Alexis_ , that would be _terrifying_.”

“Of course, what was I thinking.” Remus didn’t really have a desire to “keep up”. All of this gossip and popular business — too exhausting. It was enough to simply sit and listen to Sirius go on about it.

“Brianne’s upset about it, though. She hates Amy. She’s going around saying Amy is just trying to make George Holton jealous. They dated for, I don’t know, half of last year. Brianne says that George said that Amy was obsessive, willing to do anything for George, and that Amy had sex with him in the Astronomy Tower. Which is ridiculous, who’d want to have sex there, it’s always cold. Anyway, Amy’s upset about that, but I told her I know it’s a lie, which it probably is. Not that I really care. She’s not dating him now, right?”

“Can I un-know basically this entire conversation?” Remus asked.

“Come on, you love to hear this stuff.”

“I really don’t,” Remus said. He put his glass down and curled up under the covers again. “I’d actually really like some rest.”

“Okay, but just think of this like a bedtime story? I can try to tell it like one.”

“Please for the love of anemic horses don’t.”

“Yeah, alright, it’d be kind of weird. Oh. Did James ever tell you that your note was stupid and you should stop apologizing over stupid things? Not the detention stuff, the stuff about your “conduct”, or whatever you wrote.”

“Yes, he made that very clear,” Remus said. Maybe if he stopped responding Sirius would stop talking…

“Good because it was stupid. Anyway, me and Amy decided to check out the forest, because I told her I knew everything about it and we’d be perfectly safe. And we found this pool maybe a twenty minute walk in, and I think I saw something in the water. So I want you to come by and help me figure out what it is, since you’re the best with all those creatures and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.” Remus wondered how it could possibly be everything to say on the matter when Sirius seemed perfectly happy to go on about it. Remus tried to ignore Sirius so very very much. He didn’t know what had propelled Sirius to suddenly share all his thoughts with Remus. Last year that’d been James’s job, to hear all the thoughts that flew through Sirius’s brain. And the year before that. Probably forever before that. Probably even as unborn infants. Remus was sure of this. That was definitely a true statement.

“Oh, did you hear about Julie and Lucas Tecson?” Sirius continued, using two names that _did_ peak Remus’s interest. “Do you think they’re going to go out? A lot of people are talking about it, but no one knows what’s really going on. It sounds like Julie likes him, but Lucas’s brother Liam is flat out against it. Pretty juicy stuff, really.”

“Oh, she kissed him? Good.”

“What do you mean good?”

“I mean she had to. I bet her.”

“You did _what?!”_ Sirius hauled Remus out from under the covers. “I need this story. I need the _whole story_. Spill Lupin.”

“You’re hurting me,” Remus said, which only got him so far as sitting upright in bed with Sirius all but in his lap, thankfully without fingers clamped around his injured arm. Since when had Sirius become so interested in _gossip_. And why was Remus suddenly a part of this…

“Tell me about Julie. I want to know. I _need_ to know.”

“ _Fine_. It’s not really a story. She just came up to me during that Gobstones tournament Peter dragged me to,” Remus said.

“I hate those,” Sirius said. “So boring. Nothing even happens during Gobstones. They just move pieces.”

“Yes, sadly it’s a game with no risk of bodily harm,” Remus admitted. “So Julie comes to me when Pete’s playing Brianne. She says she wants to bet on the outcome, and if Peter won, which he did, she had to kiss Lucas Tecson.”

“Why Tecson?”

“Did you forget that she and Liam dated and had that ridiculous falling out? Because Brianne made Lucas cry when he was in first year?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sirius said. “I had forgotten. So who did you have to kiss?”

“Amy Thayer, which would have been really annoying to try and do.” Sirius was glaring at him.

“You do realize I’m dating Amy Thayer, right?”

“I thought it was Amy Dalton,” Remus said. “Except… you just told me otherwise. Hm. I think I understand now why Julie picked her.”

“She’s a horrible piece of shit,” Sirius said.

“I’m going to dock points for your cursing at some point,” Remus said wearily. “It’s going to happen.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Then you’ll gift wrap them and bring them back with a stupid note.” That was about Remus’s tolerance level.

“Well, you’ve had a story, I’ve had something vaguely in the story family, looks like it’s time for bed.” Remus tried to curl up under the covers again and resigned himself to the babbling of Sirius Black. Two days later had Sirius and Julie exchanging insults over the bet business, Julie declaring her unending hatred for Remus since he had apparently caused it all by fessing up to Sirius, and a very angry Liam Tecson on the warpath against Remus. After around two weeks the whole thing blew over and Remus could go back to his quiet days avoiding anything even remotely close to gossip and drama worthy action, though he was still avoiding Liam Tecson. Just to be on the safe side.


	10. What Were We Talking About Again?

_December 17, 1976_

 

It was the last day before the winter hols. Tomorrow, the train would leave, taking the majority of students back to their loving families. The castle would grow quiet, and everyone would have this cheerful, dreary expression, the one that said ‘I’m happy I don’t have class, but why don’t I have anywhere else to go?’ Remus was mostly fine with being at Hogwarts for Christmas. He didn’t like going back to Aselthorp. He could have, since the moons had blissfully avoided the holidays completely this year. A Christmas miracle; one he’d have all alone. Andrew and Will were going home. He thought the other dorm would be empty. He expected them all to go to their families. Sirius hated his, but it was probably some sort of obligation. Sirius didn’t talk about it — or he hadn’t back when Remus and Sirius were talking often — and obviously now it would never come up. That was the sort of thing Sirius had James for. Remus would have the entire floor of the 5th year boys’ dormitories to himself.

What would he do?

The first would probably be not follow the sound of fighting, which was his current activity. This prefect badge was the _worst thing that had ever happened to him_. And as a werewolf, Remus felt the hyperbole was very telling. It was exhausting to get involved in everyone else’s business. He’d spent the past year or two adjusting to being ignored and generally being fine with it. He had not been prepared.

Remus’s stomach dropped when he came upon Sirius and his cousin Serpensa going at it. They were yelling so loud the sounds echoed all the way to the Charms wing, from which Remus had made the long, tiring trek. He felt winded just arriving. The fight would’ve been a proper duel if they were obeying any of the rules.

This was a dangerous fight to walk in on. Remus was likely to be hexed just for announcing his presence. Probably even from them _both_ , Sirius was so angry. Remus panicked and did the first thing he could think of: he charmed the ceiling to drop ice water over the entire corridor.

Serpensa literally screeched in surprise and Remus took the opportunity to pull a shocked Sirius away, pelting with him down the corridor.

“What the _hell_ was that? Is that you, Remus?! Did you just douse me in _ice water_? Are we twelve?!” Remus pulled Sirius around the corner forcefully and shoved him into the wall.

“You were fighting! What was I supposed to do? I have to break up fights, and I do happen to be smart enough _not_ to walk into a spray of hexes.” Remus didn’t even want to know where Sirius had learned some of those spells. They were very frightening. Sirius was shaking, but Remus wasn’t sure if that was anger or the cold; he was soaking wet.

“So what, now I’m the coward who backed down? Serpensa was the _cunt_ who started it! Calling me a misfit of -“

“I don’t care who called who what,” Remus said. Sirius looked completely affronted. “And I should take points for _hearing_ that word where did you _learn that?_ I’m just doing what I’m supposed to here.”

“Right, doing what you’re _supposed to do_. Step in line, hold your place.” Remus quelled his anger beneath years of resignation. “You want me to be like you, yeah? Or like _her_ , if you’d even wake up and _see_ what’s really happening, what she really is. But, no, let’s just keep quiet. Sit up straight, do what you’re told, never try to really stop something that is _wrong_ because you’re too scared.”

“I conduct myself in a manner that is appropriate,” Remus said with false calm.

“No, you _don’t_. You ‘conduct yourself’ in a manner that is told to you, which is _not appropriate_. You’ve been done _wrong_ , and you deserve to get back at them!”

“At who?” Remus asked. He wasn’t sure who they were even arguing about anymore; Sirius’s mind had a way of jumping ahead and losing Remus on the last car of some train of thought, lost in the wilderness. Sirius buried his face in his hands and all but screamed.

“Fine! Fine! Take the points, give me detention, do your _stupid role_ or whatever you’ve been taught to do by people who would _literally_ burn your flesh!”

“I’m not taking points,” Remus said. He felt like hyperventilating, and his hands itched to scratch his wrists. But somehow he was still calm, breathing evenly and keeping his posture. “And that’s not a topic for discussion. Especially since it only ever happens over summer now.”

“ _How does that make it okay?”_

“What’s going on here?” The boys turned to see Professor McGonagall behind them. She was angry. Professor McGonagall was very, very angry. Everyone was very angry, and the water had done nothing to cool tempers. Remus felt like hyperventilating _again_ , but fortunately he had yet to start. “Were you two the source of the fighting? Mr. Lupin I expected better from you.”

“Of course, Professor. It won’t happen again,” Remus said, lying easily. He felt guilty over how quickly he could lie.

“Is that… is that _water_ trailing down the corridor?”

“… Yes Professor,” Remus said. “I, er, cast that.” Professor McGonagall looked between them, clearly not believing him.

“If you say so. Mr. Black, 10 points for fighting. You are free to go. A word, Mr. Lupin.”

Sirius seemed put out but stalked off anyhow, casting spells to try and deal with the worst of the water in his clothes. Apparently they were expensive, if his muttering was to be believed. Remus gave a sigh of relief: calming Sirius down was now someone else’s problem now. Of course, talking to McGonagall was still on his plate.

“Mr. Lupin, I don’t know how to reiterate this. It is your job now to keep things under control. You must accept this responsibility, and you cannot let someone off simply because they are your friend.”

“Of course, Professor,” Remus said, but he didn’t think that was exactly true. Were he and Sirius even really friends anymore? And he had stopped the fight, and wasn’t _that_ his job? How would it even be _right_ to give Sirius detention over something like this? That was it, wasn’t it, that it’d been right to let Sirius away without detention, or even docking points. He wasn’t sure why it was right (except in the part of his mind that had purposefully ignored all the words of the fight and filed them away under ‘world problems to consider after Hogwarts’) but he was certain of it.

“20 points, Mr. Lupin. For the spell as well as the fighting. And if I ever hear about you ripping up a detention from that lot again, it will be 50, and maybe even your badge. Those poor second years.” Remus didn’t know how she’d found out about that incident but accepted the reprimand. After all, he hadn’t done what he was supposed to. And Hogwarts was very forgiving on those grounds.

 

*****

 

_December 25, 1976_

 

Remus wondered why he was going to so much trouble for 39 galleons. The final one was still reserved to be shoved forcefully down Sirius’s throat. Oh, right, that’s why he was doing it. Excellent. Remus took a deep breath and hoisted himself up on top of the large standing wardrobe. He was forced to crawl — belly to the wardrobe, back several inches from the ceiling — until he could pull the tapestry aside and get through the hole in the wall. He couldn’t remember how they had found this room, now that he thought about it. It had seemed a lot easier to get to when they were second years. Third years? Who even knew. Felt like ages ago. The only important thing now was to get through the wall so he could stand up properly again.

It was actually a very pretty abandoned room, Remus thought. There were old stained glass windows along the walls and a crumbling statue in one corner. The statue waved once Remus had dropped to the floor. It only had one stump of an arm left, and the head was weathered and smooth. Only one ear remained. Remus wondered who the statue had been before.

“‘Lo, Echo,” Remus said. James had named her, obviously. He named everything, including his friends. Damn boy and that stupid nickname. _Moony_. Honestly. Remus waved a wand to try and clear away the dust that had settled. There were some ancient candy wrappers which Remus was sure were James’s, too. Remus wondered if his room at home was just a sea of candy wrappers. Remus pulled the marked candles from his pockets and placed them in each corner, using a sticking charm to hold them into place as they burnt. He went to the middle of the room and spread a parchment on the floor. Their _very labor intensive_ prototype map. Remus began writing away, copying the runes from another scrap of parchment. He signed off at the end, labeling the room “Echo’s Chamber”. All that was left was to wait until the candles finished burning.

“Wish you could speak,” Remus said. “I bet you’d have stories to tell.” Echo’s remaining shoulder rose and fell. Remus continued to study the room.

“I still can’t figure out what this room was for. I can see the stairwell, or what it used to be. Does it ever go anywhere? I mean, does this room move, or… does another room move?” Echo naturally had no answer. Remus kept talking, though. He imagined Echo got lonely.

“Oh, and Happy Christmas, Echo. I don’t know if you knew, but it’s Christmas. And snowing a storm above all others. Bit of a shame, really. I’m still waiting on an owl so I had to keep my window open. Might have enough to build a snowman by my bed by the time I’m back. Already got most of my presents, of course. Don’t know if I told you about that. All of us get presents for each other, which is really nice of everyone. Aselthorp obviously doesn’t send anything, but that’s fine. Not really the way we are. But us fifth years all get in the spirit. Got a booster pack of cards from Will for a Snap deck. Will loves that game even though he’s pants at it… Andrew sent a box of baked goods that were probably made by his mother. James sent a much _larger_ , more ridiculous box of baked goods from some fancy bakery and a whole stack of Snap cards and this weird little device that he claims will bring “good” dreams if hung over the bed. I have no idea where James bought one or why in any form of heaven, hell, or great infinitely expansive universe he thought I would want one, but it’s James so there isn’t meant to be logic. I’m sure you agree with me since the fact that James is illogical is an immutable fact I am stating for the record. It does not mean criticism is what is taking place here. Anyway, Peter sent much better baked goods of a reasonable quantity and a small paperback book of short stories. Hm. I wonder if I should worry about my figure…”

The candles went to smoke all at once. Remus looked at the parchment as the ink faded away. The spell was complete. Hopefully it was worth all this effort.

“I hate to run Echo, since I haven’t been often enough, but it’s been a long day. I’ve done 14 rooms in the past 5 days and it’s a little much getting to most of these now. Not that I don’t love talking with you. I’ll be back soon.” Remus left as quickly as he could. It was awkward. Echo had nothing to say on the matter, and here Remus was coming and going as he pleased. And he had to go eventually. Awful business. Awful.

But who else would visit Echo?

The dorm was very quiet. It was a little eerie. Remus wasn’t sure why it seemed more quiet now than at other points in the school year when everyone was out, but it did. He spotted presents on the bed and went to close the window. The snow wasn’t too thick; he could manage to get rid of it and wait until the heating charms equalized everything. Two presents were left on his bed. He had expected the one from Sirius. Late. The other present had no label. Other people might have been happily intrigued, but Remus suspected it was a bomb. He picked it up and shook it lightly. He was positive bombs made that sound. He was also positive bombs were squishy like this one.

He threw caution to the wind and opened the package. A soft scarf was inside, patterned with diagonal stripes of pale green, gold, and ivory. Remus felt over the soft yarn with his hands and looked at the note wrapped up within the scarf:

The handwriting was very girlish. The heart was suspicious. He felt like this was some sort of trick or prank, though it was difficult to find the angle. Remus didn’t recognize the handwriting, but then again, he didn’t know very many people’s handwriting. There was nothing on the back of the card. This was a very disturbing revelation. Also, he hadn’t sent a gift in return. He had made a point, ever since he’d made enough money gambling with other students, to buy gifts for all the people who’d gotten them for him. It was very important for him to meet a gift in kind, even if the expense wasn’t entirely proportionate. Or that his money was a little ill-begotten. A man had to make ends meet, and he couldn’t help it if he was better at betting. Better than never giving gifts at all.

Remus decided to distract himself by opening Sirius’s present. It was a small box, and Remus was perplexed to find what looked like wrist warmers inside. They were black and paper thin, with a thumbhole that ran from mid palm to three quarters up his arm. There was a note at the bottom of the box. All it said was “For Summer”. A smile ticked at the corner of his mouth before he regained control over it. He put the scarf on the bedside table and lay down in bed for a nap. He rubbed his wrists; the wrist warmers were surprisingly soft.


	11. Boys Are Stupid and Crushing Doesn't Sound Very Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things start to become more serious. And by serious I mean crazy and socially terrifying.

_January 5, 1977_

 

Remus was happily alone. Blissfully alone. He felt the first semester had been nonstop interaction with everyone. He had to do rounds, which when Devon Forest came, Joyce McPherson followed at his side. He was praying for their speedy falling out, except then Devon would probably just mope. At least they could suffer through existence together at that point. And then there was Allison Vallen, who was very dull to talk to. Remus wondered how she’d been sorted into Ravenclaw when everything that came out of her mouth was mindless drivel. Really the whole affair was awful, and Remus had half a mind to just throw the prefect’s pin in the lake and be done with all of it. ‘Course McGonagall probably had another ready for just such an occasion. Remus couldn’t be the first student desperate to leave his new found responsibility and power behind.

Then there had been James and Sirius, visiting him after the moons and going on and on about random things. He’d gotten quite used to them ignoring him by now. For some reason, this year they’d become obsessed with him. Even worse than when they had been in second year. Even Peter found ways to drop into a seat at Remus’s table in the library now. Just to work on homework, he’d say. And then he’d try to pick up a friendly conversation. It was weird. They were all weird and crazy. Remus shuddered to think about what it would be like in a dorm with them. And it all seemed more overwhelming with everyone back from break. He just needed his space. A Remus bubble where he could be stoic and sardonic in peace. How had he even considered missing any of them just a week ago?

Remus had found a nice window nook down the abandoned wing on the fourth floor. It was cold and the winter snow kept falling against the window, but it was very quiet. Except the group of students who he suspected were smoking down the corridor. He ought to go take points or something.

He turned a page in his book.

This one was on semi-conscious animation. It was very interesting. Things to create toys that played with children, or parchment that could suggest new words while writing, a virtual thesaurus. Most applications of the spells were illegal except by properly licensed institutions, such as mirror factories. After all, the mirrors had to comment on your appearance somehow. Remus actually hated the way Andrew’s mirror always tried to give him suggestions. No, he didn’t care if stripes clashed with plaid. In fact, he would purposefully wear them together. Yes, he _was_ being difficult.

Someone came walking down the hall. Remus glanced up to see Meghan Casteris. She was in sixth year and very popular. Remus was now positive that the group down there was smoking, although what they were smoking he wasn’t sure. She met Remus’s eyes and smiled.

“Hey, don’t I know you?” she said. Remus felt his stomach drop in panic. Fortunately, he had mastered the ability of lacking facial expressions.

“Sorry, I don’t believe you do,” Remus replied. Casteris was now leaning against the wall next to him.

“Yeah, I think I do. Maya and Lina talk about you.” They were at least in Remus’s year. Lina Koshy was even a Gryffindor, so he did know them. At least, he knew what they looked like. They were friends with people like Casteris, which meant they never talked with Remus. He didn’t know what to think of them talking _about_ him.

“Oh? I hadn’t realized. I hope it’s appropriately unflattering.” Casteris laughed. She did so while flicking her long, straight black hair over her shoulder. Remus knew for a fact Peter lived to see Casteris flick her hair back like that. Remus let the barest twitch of smile through at what the boys in his dorm would say, laughing internally at how ironic this seemed. Of everyone, it was _him_ that Casteris was talking to. The werewolf. He turned to look out the window.

“Say,” Casteris said casually, “you know, we’re having a thing this Saturday. Celebrate everyone home from the hols. You should come along.” Remus internally rang alarm bells, loudly and frantically. This had to be a trap, or some sort of weird universe in which even the really popular kids wanted to seek out his company. Yes, an alternate universe. This was the only explanation. He turned to look at Casteris again.

“Oh? I wouldn’t want to crash a party.”

“Can’t crash one you’re invited to. I’d bet you and Marcus would get along.” Remus fought back a laugh. One, Remus was far too awkward and quiet to get along with someone like Marcus. Two, he didn’t know if he could get away with betting _Meghan Casteris_. Could he? _Could he?_

“For the sake of the devil, as his advocate, I’d have to take that bet.” Meghan laughed again. Remus chickened out on setting a price on the bet.

“Very funny. I see why Maya likes you.” Another shocking and completely bewildering statement. “Anyway, you can come by with Lina. Meet her in your common room, or wherever, and she’ll show you the way.” Remus nodded noncommittally.

“Hate to let anyone down, I suppose. I hear it’s rude to keep a girl waiting.” 

“A gentleman, too.” Casteris left with a small, mysterious smile. Remus kept his eyes on the window, watching her out of the corner of his eye. What was he even _doing_? Had he really agreed to that? Was he going to go? What did they even do at their “things”? Didn’t they know he was a prefect? Couldn’t they tell _something_ degenerate in him, even if they didn’t actually know he was a werewolf? Had they figured it out? _Was he really going to go???_

For once this year, Remus actually felt like seeking James. James would know these things. People liked James. He found himself walking before he’d even thought to stand. He felt like his head was in a haze, just reeling from the conversation he’d had. So many questions, negative number of answers. Remus needed answers. He needed to know what one was supposed to do in this situation. There wasn’t a manual was there? Remus also needed a wall to bang his head against, to try and wake up from this crazy alternate world.

He was just to the end of the wing when he heard it. A sniveling sound with gasping sighs. The sort of crying you only half hold back. Remus frowned, trying to find the source of the sound. He saw a deep alcove, more deeply shadowed than the rest of the hall. Coming closer, he saw a girl huddled up on a bench, arms wrapped around her legs and head buried in her knees. Her dark red hair spilled over her face.

“Lily?” he asked. Her head shot up; Lily’s face was red from crying. Remus didn’t know what to say. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. That was a very stupid question, Remus thought to himself. After a pause, Lily shook her head and buried her face in her knees again. Remus was at a lost, but finally decided to put his bag down and sit on the bench next to her. He tried to pat her shoulder reassuringly, but it felt very awkward.

“We’re friends, right, Remus?” her muffled voice asked.

“Well, if we’re enemies I think we’re both very bad at this.”

“No, I mean, you like talking to me, right?” Remus shrugged, then remembered Lily couldn’t see him.

“Of course. I don’t know if you enjoy the conversations, considering I don’t even know if I’m joking anymore.” Lily shifted, lifted her head, and leaned her shoulder against Remus’s.

“Brianne says no one wants to talk with me because I’m too aggressive and arrogant, like I think I’m better than everyone else.”

“You are not arrogant. On a scale from Lori Wilcox to James Potter, you are clearly somewhere in the range of Andrew Fallis, which isn’t very high at all. Brianne is much higher on the arrogance scale than you. You can trust me, I’m certified to measure arrogance levels.” Lily started laughing.

“So James Potter is more arrogant than Sirius Black, huh?” she asked

“This year, yes. I’ll keep you updated on the competition if you like.” She shook her head, and Remus continued talking. “So this is all about Brianne then?”

“No,” Lily said. “Brianne says these things all the time. But today, I was talking with Severus, and I told him about Sean asking me out on a date.”

“Sean…?” Remus asked. How many students were even in this school…

“He’s in Ravenclaw. He asked me out yesterday, but I didn’t really know what to say, so I just sort of agreed without thinking about it. Except Severus got angry over it. He said I shouldn’t date anyone but him, because clearly we were meant to be together. It was like he had this big plan, and I was just one piece of it. But I don’t want to date him. I just want to be friends with Severus, because we _are_ best friends, and then he went on about how I was muggleborn and too stupid to know what was good for me and called me all sorts of names. So now I don’t think we’re friends, which means I don’t have any friends at all. So Brianne was right all along.” Remus thought very carefully, looking for the right words to say.

“I don’t really know anything about your friendship with Snape, but he doesn’t sound like a very good friend to me,” he said gingerly.

“No, I guess not. But it seems like every boy who talks with me just wants to date me, and the girls don’t like talking to me, so I can’t make any friends at all. I don’t want a boyfriend; I want a best friend.” Lily sat up and fixed Remus with a very stern look.

“You’re not planning on asking me out, are you?” Remus shook his head.

“You are a very nice girl, and you tolerate me, but I have no plans whatsoever to ask you out. I think it would be a pretty disastrous relationship, what with my complete lack of sincerity and your fearless pursuit of honesty and truth.” Lily went back to leaning against Remus’s shoulder.

“That’s good. You don’t think I’m bothering you all the time?” she asked.

“Lily, I can assure you that you have never bothered me. You scared me very much in second year when you learned that bat bogey hex and used it on our classmates, but even then, I didn’t feel ‘bothered by you’ in any way.”

“If anyone is treating you badly, I’ve learned better curses now,” Lily said, and Remus thought she sounded much less upset than when he found her.

“Duly noted. Although I do think a couple of prefects going around cursing people may be an abuse of power.” Lily laughed. They continued to talk, but Remus was just relieved that somehow he had done something right to help Lily out. He even forgot his entire dilemma with very popular girls who talked about him.


	12. The Long Version

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which far too many things happen and everything is regretted. All the things.

“I’m afraid I can’t be very optimistic about your options, Mr. Lupin.” McGonagall shifted her papers and gave Remus a mournful look. “You can be hired by any private employer, but you must notify them of your condition. If not, you could be arrested. In the case of a muggle employer, the Ministry will set a government official to oversee your work, but they can cite you for any reason they choose, and you’ll be arrested. If you attempt to work in another country, you must notify the Ministry before reentry or —”

“I’ll be arrested?” Remus finished. He nodded at Professor McGonagall’s sympathetic look. “Okay. Well, my future career as a convict aside, what _can_ I do?”

“Well, there is one employer who will care very little about your condition.” Remus took a sheet from her hand.

“Gringotts?” he asked, reading about the work options. She nodded.

“The goblins have never held the same prejudices humans have over werewolves. In their mind, as long as you do the job, you’re the same as every other human. While that doesn’t put you in their good graces, it at least is fair. They need wizards for a variety of work.”

“Most of this looks curse related,” Remus said.

“They need both curse-breakers and casters in large numbers. They take their security very seriously.”

“I don’t know, I saw my future as less… destruction based. Interaction with housemates aside.”

“If you have a better idea then I would be happy to help you, given the limitations I’ve told you. What do you think you want to be, Mr. Lupin?”

“I’m thinking of becoming a bookie,” Remus said without hesitation. 

“Please be serious about this, Mr. Lupin. It is your future.”

“I don’t think I’m joking, actually. The more I think about it, the more it makes a twisted sort of sense. What?” he asked, once he noticed Professor McGonagall frowning at him.

“I just think it’s a shame. I saw how you worked with those first-years in detention. They all passed their tests. You’d be very good in teaching, I feel.”

“I’m a sardonic cynic with a highly dangerous and borderline fatal disease.”

“Not around the children you weren’t. I didn’t hear a single sarcastic comment once you got to work.” Remus shrugged.

“I’ll work on that. But it doesn’t matter. Fairly certain even applying for teaching would have me arrested. So, if we’re done with this auspicious and enlightening topic…?”

“Yes, you may go, Mr. Lupin.” Remus found it somewhat upsetting that she hadn’t reprimanded his attitude. He was already receiving pity and he hadn’t even left school yet. He considered what else to do with his Saturday. Except embrace his impending descent into popularity, apparently. He decided to go back to his dorm where he owned things and could find something to do.

He arrived to find it empty, which was surprisingly disappointing. He peeked hesitantly into the other dorm, which was also empty. Remus frowned. He paced by his own bed, restless with indecision. He wanted to sit and read, but he couldn’t keep still. He decided maybe a walk would do some good. He took a hat and wrapped his new scarf around his neck in preparation to go outside. His fingers played with the end of the scarf as he walked swiftly down the stairs, making the long trek to the ground floor. Students were milling about everywhere, but no one Remus really felt like talking with. Which was normal. He didn’t really like talking with anyone. He didn’t need to. He was perfectly fine. Except apparently now he kind of did want to talk to someone. Just not these people. He never had found James. Maybe he was at the Quidditch pitch.

The winter weather hit him all at once. The wind was blowing and snow kept jumping through his eyelashes. There were far fewer students out here, but Remus saw some people out by the Quidditch pitch. He started walking that way. He passed by some girls on his trek, realizing too late they were in his year.

“Hello Lupin. Nice to see you out on a day like this,” Catherine Grall said. She was in Hufflepuff. So were Peggy Hill and Amanda Randall. Lori Wilcox and Penelope Grimly from his own house were there too. Grimly was giggling incessantly.

“Well, sun is shining, gentle breeze. Just a great day for strolling.” Remus gave Grimly a critical look, but she only laughed more. It was a light and airy laugh, which was suited for such a wispy girl. Lori gave Remus an apologetic look from under the shadow of her hat, which was pulled low.

“That’s a lovely scarf,” Grimly said. Remus looked away.

“Ah, yes. Loveliest thing about my person, truly.” She laughed again. Remus was suddenly certain the scarf was a horrible horrible social bomb. Remus looked away again and gestured to the mound of snow. “Is that meant to be a snowman?”

“It’s a snow _woman_ ,” Randall answered. “You’ll see once we’re done.”

“Looking forward to it. Always happy to see the ladies.” Grimly laughed again and Remus was desperate to leave. “Sure I’ll see it on my way back. Happy building.” He turned and moved as fast as werewolf-ly possible away from the girls. This was a horrible month. The worst month. In the history of teenage kind. When was the full moon, anyway? Could it come sooner now?

He ducked into the Quidditch pitch and shook the snow from his person. Will was standing inside with his brother and another Hufflepuff from their year.

“‘Lo, Remus. Came to spy, did you?” Will asked. Remus shook his head.

“Nope, just needed some good exercise. Stairs are rotten, overdone my calves. I was warned about stairs. Hufflepuff practicing today?” Dylan, Will’s brother, nodded.

“We have the match against Gryffindor in a few weeks. Should be good.”

“Should be, yes.” Remus knew nothing about Quidditch. He knew less the more he heard James and Andrew talk about it. They made it so much more complicated than a bunch of people on broomsticks throwing balls around.

“Will, stay here,” Dylan said. “They’re coming down and I want to talk to Dora.” Will nodded, and the two Hufflepuff boys walked out onto the pitch.

“So,” Remus said. “How was the break?” Will shrugged.

“Went well. Thank you for the gloves,” Will responded. Remus shrugged.

“Seemed like something timely.”

“I see you have your lovely gift,” Will said. Remus felt disturbed, as if Will had heard him across the field.

“I don’t know what you mean by that, but thank you. Lovely is the precise word I’ve always wanted associated with myself. I’m thinking of putting ribbons into my wardrobe, what do you think?” Will laughed.

“I just meant people have been talking. You really don’t know who it’s from?” Remus shook his head. “Well, it would be you.”

“Would be me, what?” Remus asked.

“With some secret admirer,” Will said easily, as if it were obvious.

“Me? An admirer? What… That’s not possible.” Remus was at a loss for snark. He was snarkless. It felt like drowning.

“Who else _would_ have an admirer? I wouldn’t. I’m just, you know, that guy who tags along with his brother, and draws too much.” Will shrugged.

“Andrew could,” Remus said. “He plays Quidditch, and he does well in classes.”

“Yeah, but have you tried to hold a conversation with him? If it’s not Quidditch, it’s not fun. I like Andrew, I do, but he’s _obsessed._ ”

“Well, what about the other dorm? Peter, and Sirius, and James?”

“They’re a bunch of goofballs. I mean, yeah, they give everyone a laugh. Maybe James could muster up some real popularity, but he’s always around Sirius. Another obsession problem, that boy and muggle things. Every time I talk to him, it’s like I find myself hearing about “bands I wouldn’t have heard of” or models of cars. Something ridiculous for a pureblood to go on about.” Remus chose not to comment on _that_.

“But you,” Will continued, “I don’t know, you seem to have built up this cool, mysterious air. Aloof. Funny. People ask me about you, you know? I never know what to say. The only interest I know you have is reading, and even then you look bored with it.”

“I don’t have a cool, mysterious air,” Remus huffed. “I just like my space, is all.” He suddenly felt horribly awkward. More awkward than before. Why was this day so horrible? He almost wished to be arrested on the spot and be done with it. He toyed with the fabric around his wrists.

“Those don’t look very warm,” Will said.

“Oh, these?” Remus said, pulling his hand away. “I guess not. Just like them, I suppose.”

“See? Mysterious. Aloof. ‘Course people normally change their mind once they try to talk to you.”

“So this Gryffindor-Hufflepuff match. I’m thinking 5 to 2 odds,” Remus said abruptly. Will shook his head.

“There is no way I’m betting between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. I’ll be ostracized either way. Also, I’m already down too much in your book.” This was a true statement. Remus needed a real book to keep track of these things.

“Suppose.” Remus and Will stood in silence, watching the Hufflepuff team discussing out on the pitch.

“You really think Sirius is keeping James from being popular?”

“That and James is twelve years old.”

 

*****

 

Remus piped in every so often as he walked back to the castle with Will, his brother, and the Hufflepuff team. It was hard to be more invested in the conversation, partly because he was so poor at keeping conversation, and partly because he was still thinking about his conversation with Will.

Remus knew perfectly well there were different kinds of popular. Casteris’s crowd were “bad”. While James and Sirius broke the rules, it was always for a laugh. Casteris’s crowd broke the rules rebelliously. They found the back parts of the castle to do drugs in. They got detention over not going to class because they were above that garbage. They tried to steal things in Hogsmeade on the weekends. They were cool because they didn’t care about what anyone thought. They were cool because they were delinquents who would be proud to be arrested.

Then there were the charming kids. Most of them came from well off families, though not all of them. They were good at school. They dressed smartly. Always a good word, always perfectly composed. They were the kind of people everyone wanted to be. Remus had always thought James belonged in that kind of crowd. James was really well liked by most other students. Except James hadn’t ever hung out with any of that lot to Remus’s knowledge. Remus had always wondered why. James seemed like a perfect match there. Excepting the whole making walls bleed issues. Perhaps he wasn’t a match there, actually.

And of course, there was the pureblood lot. That was all family based. You were either in or out, and it was all determined long before first year. Sirius would’ve been there if he hadn’t been Sirius. They were only popular because it was hard not to envy their poise and influence. Or fear them. That was another option. Remus took the middle road of peevishly avoiding them.

He realized there were different forms of popular. And Remus was certain James and Sirius fit into the popularity spectrum somewhere, but was equally sure he didn’t match any of them. Remus always considered himself a misfit. Someone who didn’t belong in the school but was here anyway. He didn’t fit with his classmates. An outsider. That was Remus Lupin. The outsider thrust into the sea of normal people.

Except apparently he was an outsider walking into the midst of some very popular, _very_ wayward people.

Remus peeled off from everyone else after dinner, climbing up to Gryffindor tower. He sat himself down in the common room to read the book of short stories Peter had given him. The book was slim, but the stories were interesting. He liked the one where the son took a hatchet to his mother’s head. Actually, he was now worried that he liked that one.

“Hey,” a very female voice said. Remus looked up to see Lina Koshy. His guide had arrived.

“Hey,” Remus said. He slipped the book into a pocket. He felt the urge to itch.

“Do you always wear those school robes on Saturdays?” Remus shrugged.

“Never thought about it much. Clothes are clothes, at least for us primitive men.” He’d almost said canines in his nervousness. He was relieved at his quick save. Lina was wearing a set of lilac robes. The neck cut a little lower than Remus had expected. He felt very anxious.

“You know, I’m surprised we haven’t hung out before. I guess you’ve been busy doing your own thing,” Koshy said.

“I keep myself busy. Bore myself if I didn’t. Still bored a little while doing so.” Remus felt like the silence was stretching into the nether worlds. He ought to try better at this talking thing if he was going to … whatever Casteris had invited him to. “Speaking of outfits what a striking… color. Springtime a bit earlier than I expected.” Lina smiled.

“Never too early to heat things up,” she said. Remus screamed internally. “Come on. Let’s go where the fun is.”

Remus followed her out of the common room. He wondered if people were watching. He’d never felt this paranoid before. Did they think he was cool? Did they notice him and Koshy slinking off? Would they gossip about this later? Had they been gossiping about him this whole time? Where was Koshy taking him? Were they leaving the castle and how had they gotten here so soon?

“You’re not much for talking,” Koshy said with a grin.

“Talking requires thinking, for which I’ve only a very small space to work with. I suppose I manage.”

“That’s fine. I’m sure you’ll lighten up once things get going.” Remus didn’t know what to make of that. Koshy was leading him into the caves where the first year boats came in. He could hear voices echo up from the cavern along with the gentle sloshing of water:

“So then I told him, you know, I’m not that kind of girl. You don’t win me over with this pile of crap. I need something real, right? A person who knows how much bullshit everything is.”

“You are so completely full of yourself!” Remus turned the corner in time to hear Marcus Aether laugh harshly. He felt the warmth of heating charms as he followed Koshy into the fray. There were around twelve people sitting and standing, scattered in small groups among the rocks and dwindling bits of lawn. Remus had never talked to any of them, excepting Casteris and Koshy at this point.

“Look who made it!” Casteris said, tapping Remus’s shoulder with the back of her hand. Koshy disappeared from his side and his insides heaved. He had a sudden desperate change of heart; Remus distinctly wanted to leave.

“Like I told you, don’t leave a girl waiting. I fear the wrath.” He earned a laugh from Aether.

“Isn’t that the truth. Guess we have to welcome you through the door, right?” Remus vehemently did not want to be welcomed.

“Unless you want me to walk through again. Sort of missed it, out of doors as we are,” his voice said. Remus yelled at himself that this was highly not okay. He was now following Aether towards a flat slab along the wall of the cave. There were bottles of alcohol and small shot glasses.

Remus knew he should run away. Just run. Run like a twelve year old child and never look back. Instead he took the glass Aether gave him. 

“To the next semester in hell!” Aether said, his face sliding into a diagonal smirk.

“To fine weather belittling destruction of the mind,” Remus said. Casteris and Aether raised their glass then promptly downed the clear liquid. Remus felt it was probably in bad taste not to do the same.

It burned so very much. It was the opposite of blood replenishing potion. Hot and spiky and awful. It had been in horrible taste to drink.

He placed the glass back down on the table calmly, questioning every decision he had made ever. Aether slapped him on the back.

“I like him,” Aether said. Casteris laughed.

“Knew you would.” 

Koshy and Maya Eona suddenly appeared beside him.

“Happy you could make it,” Eona said with a huge smile. Remus noticed that more people were here now.

“Normally not good for crowds, but apparently I make exceptions.” Remus wondered if one was actually capable of throttling oneself. He’d just had alcohol. This was so _completely illegal._ Who did he think he was, Sirius?

“Hey, have you heard this new album? Quintus got it over Christmas and it’s pretty good.” Remus didn’t know who Quintus was, but apparently that didn’t matter. He found himself being dragged away to look at the album jacket of something by the Furtherworms. Remus had never heard of them before. He didn’t listen to wizarding music much. Eona had, but she quickly corrected him on that account.

“No, please, just call me Maya. I’d rather us be on first name terms, right?” Remus just nodded. Then Koshy was pushing another shot glass into his hand and demanding he call her Lina. This had been the worst idea he’d ever had. _And he still had his prefect badge on what was he insane?_

An hour and a half later Remus was talking with Aether and a sixth year Slytherin. A Hufflepuff, he thought, and they’d be a match set.

“So what I told my aunt, I said, if you’d wanted the dog to stay so bad, maybe you shouldn’t have given me the key to the back door.” The Slytherin laughed. Remus thought his name was Callous. It was probably close to that. Maybe. Remus was guessing at this point. And also quintuple guessing his ability to make sensible decisions. Or tired of guessing. Remus _had_ been counting how much alcohol had been given to him, but he was trying to be in denial about the whole thing and thought maybe refusing acknowledgement would make the problem go away.

“Alright, Lupin,” the boy probably known as Callous said, “Tell us a story.” 

Oh did Remus have stories.

“Well, there was this one time. So, I work for this guy, Aselthorp? Mr. Aselthorp, I call him, but he’s just Aselthorp really. Common guy. We go around, go up to houses and offer to clean out whatever gnomes or bogarts or whatnot they have. But this one lady, we do her whole house. Find pixies in the drawing room, and you have to think, how’d the pixies get here, and what do you need this drawing room for anyway? So we clear it all out, it’s a big job, except she doesn’t foot the bill. Well that’s not acceptable. So Aselthorp, he says to me, see up there? That’s a window, up there. Now, I can get you up there, but you have to unlock it. So he hands me his wand, and I’m, I don’t know, I’m nine or ten. I’ve never done this kind of spell ever before, and I’m thinking I’ll be called in on underage magic or something. But Aselthorp tells me to do it, shows me the spell, and next I know I’m in some lady’s drawing room gathering up our pay.” Remus realized he was laughing. He was babbling and laughing. He vaguely thought something was wrong, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. “I got what Aselthorp wanted, but I also saw this painting. She’d been very particular about it, loved the thing. And I guess it wasn’t a drawing room for nothing because I found some charcoal and just scribbled all over it. She’d been a cow. But then I had to crawl out and that was something awful. Aselthorp barely caught me, if you can call it that.” Remus remembered how quickly they had hightailed it too. He had been exhausted from the trek. He remembered vaguely being terrified too. Illegal wasn’t normally Aselthorp’s thing. Remus had always wondered why that house.

“Wow,” Aether said. “You broke into a _house_ when you were _ten_?” He and Callous were laughing and slapping Remus on the back.

“I have to get Aida, she will want to hear this.” Remus was running over the story in his head and thought he was finding the problem. The problem was that he’d said the story. And that he was talking an awful lot. That seemed against the rules. That wasn’t how he was supposed to act. Except in this crowd it _was_ how he was supposed to act. So what should he do? Remus was conflicted.

“You know, I think I’m going to go have another drink,” he said to Callous. He wandered away from Callous back to the drink table. The bottles were much depleted. Some were empty. Remus wasn’t quite sure how much he’d had anymore. People had brought him drinks. Now he felt like he needed one. He didn’t feel comfortable here. He felt all at odd ends and he was thinking about what Will had said. That he was popular, apparently. Or something. Except he wasn’t because he didn’t hang out with popular kids. Except now he was, and he didn’t like it. He just kept thinking and he wanted to stop thinking and apparently the clear alcohol was a solution. Everyone else here seemed to think so. Go with the flow, right?

Remus took the shot and turned towards the crowd. It seemed different from when he walked in. Looser. Somehow more needy too. Everyone trying to look cool. He saw Aether again. It was odd how Casteris said they’d get along. They almost did. Aether reminded Remus of James, if James had been a heartless pit of darkness. Remus realized he missed James. And he missed Sirius. Sirius would _love_ this party, Remus thought. Remus was convinced this was a true statement. There was no truer statement. And he missed Peter, who always said nice things and got really excited over biscuits. Remus really wanted a biscuit. He knew he had loads in his room.

“Remus!” This was a loud voice in his ear. Lina was very very close, with Maya right behind.

“Yes, I’m right here. Hallo, Maya. Enjoying everything?” Maya nodded happily. She had this huge, ridiculous grin on. She’d been smiling all night, and laughing at whatever anyone said. Lina had just become more bossy than normal.

“You’ve been ignoring us,” Lina said.

“I’ve been social,” Remus countered. “I was just storytelling with a couple sixth years. I can apparently string a tale.”

“I bet,” Maya said with a laugh. Remus vaguely recalled betting was a thing, but he was a little shaky on the how.

“You know, _I_ bet Maya’s tired,” Lina said. “She could probably use a walk back to her dorms.”

“I’m not tired!” Maya said. “I’m not tired,” she repeated to Remus, grabbing his hand.

“I don’t want to get into a fight between you two,” Remus said.

“Hmph,” Lina said. “Well, I suppose. So, storytelling, now we have to know.”

“Oh, probably not so interesting.”

“No, I’d like to hear!” Maya said. Lina clapped them both on the shoulders.

“Ta, that sounds lovely. Oh look! I must say hi to Darris. You two be good!” And with that Lina disappeared. Remus frowned. Lina had been keeping the conversation.

“What kind of story did you tell?” Maya asked. Remus attempted to compose himself, but he felt unsure about how successful he was at it.

“Upon reflection, a very inappropriate one.” That word was slightly difficult to say. Fine, but worrisome.

“Inappropriate?” Maya laughed. “What have you ever done that was inappropriate?”

“That is a list so long the world may never know.” Maya laughed again. Remus began to believe that maybe he _was_ funny. He found himself smiling, which the muscles of his mouth found odd and foreign. There would be a rebellion.

“No, but tell me. I promise I can keep a secret.” Remus shifted his weight and glanced around the room. He didn’t know why he was worried; he’d already told the whole story and word was bound to spread.

“It involves breaking and entering,” he said. Maya’s hand flew over her mouth.

“ _You_?” she asked. “ _You’ve_ broken into a house?”

“Not of my own volition,” Remus said. Which was partially true, he guessed.

“You, Remus Lupin, are full of surprises. You know,” she said thoughtfully, “maybe I am a little tired.”

“Are you?” Remus asked. He felt a little sleepy himself. Not enough to sleep, but enough to not talk to people anymore.

“Mm. Maybe one shot for the road? It is tradition.”

“Is it tradition?” Remus asked. Maya nodded. “Well, I am very good at following rules.” Maya laughed. They downed another drink and then Remus led Maya away. Lina nodded at them as they left, and Remus raised his hand in farewell. Then they were moving through the grounds and into the castle. Maya’s arm was practically glued to his. She was very close, so close that even when they talked softly he could hear every word.

“Your scars,” she asked. “I’ve always wondered. Where did they come from?”

“I’d hoped no one noticed,” Remus said. That felt oddly sincere. He was not a sincere person. Who was this Remus, and what had he done with old Remus?

“People know. And people wonder. So, what are they?” Remus obviously couldn’t say the truth. He couldn’t talk about how the wolf would tear at the shackles, using its hind legs and shredding his arms.

“Flitterbloom,” he said. “Nasty business. I actually nearly lost this arm, but ol’ Aselthorp had my back.” Maya shook her head.

“Maybe one day you’ll tell me?” Remus shrugged.

“I guess anything is possible.” They were at the top of a stairwell when Maya stopped him. She grabbed his face and kissed him abruptly. He didn’t even have time to prepare, and there were lips. Lips touching his lips, and moving. He felt his lips moving, but he had no control over them. The rebellion had come. Maya released him; Remus was utterly confused. _She_ looked happy, though. He wondered how shocked he looked.

“Thank you. For walking me back.” She walked to the end of the hall. He watched her enter the Ravenclaw common room before turning away. Remus came to the sudden realization that he was horrifically dizzy. That last drink had been a mistake. Well, all of them had been mistakes. He was happy that it didn’t require significant concentration to find his way back to Gryffindor Tower because his mind was spinning something horrible. He was overwhelmed from being overwhelmed. Too long a day. First jobs, then snowwoman girls, then Will, then Lina, then alcohol, then Aether, then Maya. Remus wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Maybe under a bed. Or just on it. Why was today so awful? Except it was tomorrow. Probably. Surely. Oh thank heavens it was the Fat Lady.

Remus climbed the stairs heavily and pushed open the door on the 5 th years’ floor. It took him a solid thirty seconds to realize it was the wrong door.

“This is not my room,” he said, without even wondering why James, Sirius, and Peter were awake.

“Look, it’s Remus!” He felt himself pulled into the room, which had been an awful move. He fell like so many tons of bricks.

“Remus?” he heard Sirius ask. He sounded concerned. That was funny. Sirius was concerned. Remus laughed.

“Hallo Sirius. Good evening. Morning. Night.” Remus shrugged. James was bent over him.

“Are you _drunk_?” James asked. Remus shrugged again. He had three gobsmacked faces looking down at him.

“How are you _drunk_?” Sirius asked. Remus frowned. That seemed wrong. He pushed himself up.

“What do you mean, how am I drunk. Didn’t you get drunk? I remember you said, you said you were all going to drink. With Andrew. Or someone. And you wanted me to come.”

“I missed that,” James muttered.

“I was _lying_ ,” Sirius said. “I wanted you to come talk to us and I lied. I do that. Are you really _drunk_?” Remus nodded, then held his head.

“I think I’m stupid,” Remus said. Peter started to laugh.

“Maybe alcohol does that?” Peter said. Remus shrugged. That was his favorite gesture now. He did it again with a heavy breath.

“Maybe. Doesn’t for Aselthorp. He just gets all growly and tired, and then he falls asleep. And he drinks water, in the morning. I’ve brought him water.” James disappeared, but Sirius and Peter stayed, staring at him intently. “What time is it?” Remus asked.

“Around 3:14,” Sirius answered. “We were up playing Snap.” Even drunk Remus knew that was a lie. There were no cards, and there were some books lying around. The closest was on transfiguration, something or other. But Sirius lied, that was a true statement. He fell forward into Sirius’s shoulder.

“Why is everything so _hard_?” Remus asked. He felt Sirius shrug. Good choice, he thought. Shrug indeed. He found a glass of water in his hand and sat up to drink it.

“Um, do you want to, lie down, or something?” James asked. He sounded confused. Remus shook his head.

“No. No, I don’t want… Is there a chair, or something…” Remus looked around and realized a wall was really close. He pushed backwards until he could lean against the wall, sighed in relief, then kept drinking the water. He was disconcerted at how the others were staring at him. Shouldn’t they say something?

“I’m sorry for invading your dorm,” Remus said. That seemed right. Ish. Maybe. Who knew.

“Psh,” James said dismissively. “You keep things interesting. What with giving detentions and getting drunk. I haven’t been this on edge for ages.”

“Ta,” Remus said, then finished his water. Peter plucked it from his hands and disappeared. He was a very nice boy.

“Aren’t you going to tell us what happened?” Sirius asked. Remus frowned.

“Where do I start?” he asked sincerely.

“How about, where in all of Hogwarts did _you_ get drunk?” James asked as Peter returned with more water.

“Oh, that. Well Casteris—”

“ _Meghan_ Casteris?” Peter asked. “With the…” Remus nodded at Peter’s gesture of caressing his own imaginary breasts.

“Yeah, the one with the. She came up and talked to me…” That was about where his memory cut out.

 

_January 9, 1977_

 

Remus woke up very slowly. Very groggy. His first inclination was it was a horrible full moon, except the pain was wrong. It was all in his head and everything felt sloshy. Also, this was not his bed. It was in the wrong place. He turned his head and let out a long breath. It still looked like a Gryffindor room. It also smelled really weird. Remus frowned in confusion.

Something shifted on the bed and Remus started. He turned onto his back to see Sirius curled up under the covers. Remus was over the covers, fully dressed. He was only missing his shoes. He still had his prefect pin on. He laid his head back down and tried to think.

And then it came back to him. The party. Aether. Lina. _Maya_.

Oh, god, Maya.

Remus sat up and groaned. His head swam, but he needed to get up. He had messed up everything so horribly. What was he going to do? What could he do?

Well, he knew one thing. He could go back to his own damn bed.

He stood and grabbed his shoes. Remus walked back to his own dorm, only to see Andrew and Will happily awake.

“Hey,” Andrew said. “Wondered where you were.”

“Yeah,” Remus said, his voice croaking. “Hospital wing. Ill. You know me.” They both nodded. Remus was sick all the time. Remus dropped his shoes and collapsed onto his own bed. Will chuckled.

“Even going to change?” Remus voiced something in the negative framework through his pillow. He soon curled up under the covers and tried to rest. Andrew and Will left after a while, Will before Andrew. Remus didn’t much care for once. Right now, he wanted to sleep, and he could sleep, so he was going to sleep. That was very simple. He could follow those rules.


	13. "Dating Evans" or, alternatively, Where Did James Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This marks approximately the halfway point, for those curious. I slow burn the fuck outta this.

_January 22, 1977_

 

Remus had expected the need to set things straight with Maya. It turned out, ignoring it _had_ solved all his problems. That was good, because Remus was spectacularly good at ignoring things. Maya, Lina, Aether, Casteris - none of them bothered him again, or at least hadn’t for the entire week since The Horrible Day. Which was good. Remus was terrified of telling them he didn’t want to go to another of their “things”. He kept wondering if he was a part of the gossip train. He suspected he was, now. Will had said as much. Well, actually, he _knew_ he was on the gossip train, but for an entirely different and far more annoying reason.

“How long have you really been dating Lily Evans?” James asked. Remus started, then pinched the bridge of his nose.

“As I have explained six times already _today alone_ to sodding morons that aren’t you _,_ I am not dating Lily. We’re friends.” Remus walked around James and threw his bag on his bed. Why had James come in their dorm _anyway_?

“Sean says she went on one date with him, but she gave him the cold shoulder, and now she’s with you. So how’d you do it?”

“Lily didn’t give him the cold shoulder. Sean all but tried to molest her and she told him she didn’t want that and left.” Lily had told him this immediately following the incident, and they had both celebrated her impulse control. She’d only put a confundus charm on him in retaliation, and a weak one at that. He’d been fine by dinner.

“You can admit that you’re dating,” James continued. “Everyone’s impressed and, yeah, a bit jealous. I don’t know why you two are pretending you’re not.”

“Did any of you ever think to talk to Lily like a human being? She’s right, you are all a pack of ruthless dogs with only one thing on your minds.”

“I have it on good authority that dogs can actually have multiple thoughts at once,” Sirius said from the doorway. “Jamie, you forgot your potions set downstairs.” Sirius shoved the set into James’s arms. Then he looked at Remus and grinned.

“There’s our boy. It’s been two weeks now, right? Young love birds.” That was the other thing. It was like he’d never walked into their dorm drunk arse over tits. Nothing had been said. Not even over the fact that, apparently, he’d been dating Lily for _two weeks_ (which didn’t work out _either_ since the date with Sean had been a bit over a week past), but he’d kissed Maya just one week ago. That sounded scandalous to Remus. He was definitely on the gossip train. He was the conductor. He needed a watch.

“We are _not dating_ ,” Remus said again. “Let me spell it for you, my relationship with Evans. It starts with an F, much like the significantly shorter word I want to give you right now, followed by _off_.”

“Calm down, calm down, come, sit a while,” Sirius said. He clapped an arm around Remus’s shoulder and led him into Sirius’s dorm. Remus balked again at the smell. He found himself sitting on the end of Sirius’s bed while Sirius pulled out that stupid thing he’d been messing with.

“Okay, if you’re going to forcibly drag me into your room, at least tell me what that _stupid thing is._ ” Sirius looked up at him in surprise.

“This?” he asked. He looked back at the device, his eyes ignoring Remus again. So frustrating. “It’s a broken _curabi gog._ It’s for brooms, to make them fly. Supposed to be straight, but I can’t quite force it.” Sirius bit his tongue and started to pull at one end strongly.

“Should I ask why you’re working on it?”

“Do you want to talk about illegal things like drinking? Because someone says there was a story about you being a criminal but no one seems to remember the exact details…”

“No,” Remus said sullenly. So they hadn’t forgotten. He’d never live this down. He was a delinquent. Apparently Casteris’s crowd _was_ his crowd. Except he’d hated it. Everything was awful and he hated everything. Fortunately, he could still look blank over all of this, now that he had no damn alcohol in his system.

“Alright, I’ll leave you to that.” Remus stood up, but Sirius tossed the device aside and grabbed Remus’s arm.

“No, stay. Come on, we haven’t talked in ages.”

“You mean you haven’t accosted me after a full and deprived me of sleep.” Sirius frowned.

“Don’t make me say please.” That caught Remus off guard. He sat down, feeling awkward, while Sirius picked up the device again. He wasn’t sure what Sirius wanted to talk about.

“So, Evans,” Sirius said. Remus groaned.

“So, illegal broom thingie.” Sirius grinned.

“That’s a secret.” Remus glared at him.

“Is everything a secret with you lot,” Remus asked. Sirius shrugged.

“Probably. That’s why you’re one of us.” Remus let out a huff of air. He let the silence drag.

“Do people like me?” Sirius asked out of figurative nowhere. Remus felt his jaw drop, then abruptly righted it.

“ _What_?”

“Am I a misfit? Am I just some weirdo who thinks about stupid things all the time?”

“This is a stupid question,” Remus said. Where had James gone? He’d been _right there_.

“So people hate me.”

“Of course they don’t hate you I didn’t say that.”

“So they dislike me.”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“So they don’t like me.”

“ _That’s the same as dislike Sirius will you please stop being ridiculous._ ”

“So I’m ridiculous now?” Remus fell over and buried his face in the comforter. January was an awful month. Could he go back to Christmas?

“You are not disliked, and you are not not liked, and I don’t know the difference, but for everything you hold dearly, will you stop asking me stupid questions.” There was a pause, and Remus had the faith to look up.

“They’re very different,” Sirius said. “Dislike is, you know, actively not liking someone. But not liking, it’s just sort of, oh, yeah, I don’t like them. Normal. Average, or something.”

“You’re likable. You’re far more likable than me. You already know this. What is wrong with you lately?”

“What’s wrong with _me?_ ” Sirius asked. “You, of all people, are asking what’s wrong with me. _You!_ ”

“Okay, really leaving now,” Remus said, standing.

“Because I’m not likable.”

“Because you’re acting crazy!” Remus shouted. And now he’d shouted at Sirius. James, Sirius… What was next, Peter? Where _had_ quiet first year Lupin gone?

“Guess I am,” Sirius said. He was completely engrossed in his weird little _gog_ now. He’d pulled his legs up on the bed, too. Remus was reminded of Lily, tucked into the alcove. It was all so frustrating.

“You’re not crazy, Sirius,” Remus said. “I just really think this is something you want to talk to James about, not me. Okay?” Sirius nodded.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Remus said. He walked out the door and took a deep breath. Where had sanity gone anyhow? Or _James_ for that matter? Remus wasn’t supposed to be the comfort counselor for everyone.


	14. My Apathy is Aposematic

_February 2, 1977_

 

“You should stay away from Evans.” Remus looked up in surprise to see Snape’s gaunt face. He laughed.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“Stay away from her. You’re not fit to be around her.” Remus laughed again. It felt weird to laugh since he avoided that nasty habit whenever possible, but this situation was too weird.

“Forgive me for not taking advice from someone who uses the M-word.” Snape scowled and then he had the collar of Remus’s robes in his grip.

“I’ll be keeping an eye on you,” Snape said. “I’ll be watching you very closely. All those secrets you’re hiding, I’ll know. And I’ll make sure they all come back to you. Unless you get smart and back off.” With that Remus was released and Snape stalked off.

“Right. Voyeurism. Noted.” Remus had hoped February would bring saner pastures. Apparently not so. He missed the days when his worries were about bruises and black eyes. And hexes. So many awful hexes. At least those had obvious cures. And shields. People, on the other hand, were far too meddlesome…

 

_February 2, 1973_

 

Remus was sure he was not limping to his seat at the back of the classroom. He’d bet all of his limbs that he hadn’t limped. Perhaps he really would. Aselthorp betted sometimes. Sometimes it worked out well. Others not so much. But still. Remus felt accomplished sitting in his chair for class. He was lucky he knew enough first aid spells to not embarrass himself too much. And all the bleeding had stopped. He’d been unlucky enough that they’d opened up some of his wounds from last week’s full with a hex he hadn’t recognized.

The class was Defence. Remus wasn’t too bad at this. Good sign. He felt even better when the teacher pulled out the agenda. Horklumps. Simplistic. Remus already knew this. Remus could survive class. He’d survived worse.

A small scrap of balled paper appeared on his desk. Remus looked at it with grave apprehension. This was something he did not know. His eyes darted left and right before he took the slip of paper and pulled it open.

 

 

Remus looked up to see Sirius peering over his shoulder at him. Sirius turned back and whispered to James. Remus was suspicious. They’d become very interested in Remus recently. Sitting by him at meals. Appearing shortly after Remus in the common room. Sidling up to partner with him on projects, even. No respite. The note should not have been a surprise, so Remus considered his options. He decided that they’d only bother him more if he ignored them.

 

 

Their reaction did not seem amused.

 

 

Remus frowned in annoyance. So much for not limping. He was disappointed in himself. He penned another note and flicked it over to James and Sirius with his wand:

 

 

Remus was greeted to a pair of glares as Brianne Halls and Julie Devoire turned in their seats. Remus just shrugged and went back to his notes. Which he wasn’t taking, considering he already knew this. This would be a boring class, but zoning out for a while would be nice. It was kind of like rest. Except another note hit his table. He wondered if the girls were glaring at Sirius and James, too.

 

 

Remus’s face felt warm. Great. Now they wanted to protect him. He didn’t need to be babied. He got enough of that from Pomfrey, and he mostly tolerated that because he was just so completely exhausted following the full. He wasn’t about to have Black and Potter playing watchdog.

 

 

Remus would swear that the note took an errant hit to James’s head purely by accident. He had expected the return note, but also found it irksome.

 

 

Remus didn’t know what to say to that. What kind of questions could they possibly have? Why these upperclassmen had picked out Remus? Probably because they could tell intuitively that he was degenerative and beastly. Or just because he was weird, because that was a true statement. Perhaps they wanted to ask why Remus didn’t fight back? It wasn’t like that would solve the problem, and besides, Remus knew the best road was to endure. That was always the way to do things. Just endure, survive, and ignore all the things you can never have. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t run into trouble working with Mr. Aselthorp before. There were awful people everywhere in the world. Remus decided not to answer the note. He just crumpled it back up and put it in his bag, ready to dump out after class. A few more notes hit his table, but he just pushed them aside. Perhaps he shouldn’t have answered the first one at all.

He nodded to himself when James and Sirius came up to him as soon as class ended. He knew that would happen. He stood and shouldered his bag, determined not to wince as it hit the bruise on his shoulder. He walked around the other end of the table and made for the door.

“Oi, Remus!” James said, tagging along.

“‘Lo, James,” Remus said. The crowd petered out, and Sirius threw an arm around Remus’s shoulders. Remus did wince this time, noticeably.

“Oh, sorry,” Sirius said. “Didn’t realize…”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m really okay. I can handle this.”

“Well, okay, maybe,” James said. “But that’s stupid.” Remus narrowed his eyes at James in confusion.

“That’s not stupid.”

“Yes it is.”

“No.”

“Yes. Stupid stupid stupid!” Apparently turning thirteen had had no effect on James’s maturity.

“No, it’s not, and I really need to go.” The two boys kept pace as Remus attempted to walk away.

“Hey, come on, at least let us know the details,” James said.

“Yeah, we just want to know more, is all,” Sirius said.

“Know more?” Remus asked, turning. “Why would you want to know more? So you can try and protect me?”

“Well, we hadn’t thought that far,” Sirius said.

“Does sound like a challenge though,” James replied. He had that stupid look, with his head kind of tilted and his eyes squinting alternatively. It meant he was thinking, which Remus assumed meant he wasn’t thinking at other times. All the evidence supported that.

“Thank you, but no. I can handle getting beaten up by some stuck up twats. I’m more than capable of caring for myself, so please, keep your… whatever sentiment you have to yourself and leave me be, okay?”

“Beaten up?” Sirius asked. “No, we meant the… the…” He looked to James for help. James took his two hands and mimicked large jaws in front of his face. He made a show of it, growling a little. Remus dropped his bag and went numb all over.

“You **_WHAT?”_**

 

_February 2, 1977_

 

“You seem upset,” Lily said.

“How?” Remus asked calmly.

“You’re extra twitchy. See, look.” Lily poked him in the shoulder and Remus shoved her hand away.

“I’m fine.”

“I _know_ you’re fine,” Lily said. “But you’re upset. So what happened?” They were sitting on a couch in the common room. Lily had her legs tucked up under her, while Remus had a casual, bored sort of slouch working for him; he was adapting it from Sirius. Remus didn’t feel bored; he was starting to lose patience with the whole school. They were against him in ways that weren’t attached to his condition as a werewolf, and therefore were unfair. It got worse when Brianne Halls appeared in front of them.

“How cute,” she said. “Lily, I didn’t expect you to be so understanding.”

“Hello, Brianne,” Remus said. “Would you mind budging over. I’ve been watching this fire intently and I don’t want to miss anything once we return from commercials.” Lily snorted with laughter. It was nice having someone who knew muggle things around.

“You should be ashamed,” Julie said, leaning over the couch. “Not a week in and you cheated on Lily.”

“You cheated on me?” Lily said excitedly. “With who?”

“You didn’t hear about Remus and Maya? _Snogging?_ ” Remus groaned. _People_.

“You snogged Maya Eona?” Lily said. “Aw, that _is_ cute!” Remus batted Lily’s hand away from his cheek. “Do you _like_ her?”

“Lily,” Remus said.

“Because I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of true love.”

“Lily.”

“Is that why you’re upset?”

“Hey, is this a Remus harem party?” Alexis Glasser asked, sidling in next to Brianne and throwing an arm around her shoulder in true Alexis fashion.

“I believe those are called orgies, and it’s not scheduled until next week,” Remus said. “I sent a memo.”

“Hm. Send mine again.” Remus nodded. He was never sure if Alexis didn’t get his jokes or refused to acknowledge them.

“You are all weird,” Brianne said. She thankfully walked away, throwing Alexis’s arm off with annoyance.

“I heard you’re a criminal, too,” Julie said. “Is that true? What did you do?”

“I killed a person,” Remus said. “They asked too many questions. Then they disappeared. Because they died.” Julie frowned.

“Even I know that’s a complete lie. You’re no killer.” She walked away too, and Remus wanted to laugh at that irony. As if he wasn’t four walls away from being a killer each month. But he still had Lily to deal with.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Remus said.

“Like you’re holding a secret crush?” Lily smirked.

“Like you think you know everything. I have no interest in Maya. Actually, I’m happy everyone thinking we’re dating has finally paid off, thrown this Maya business away. Finally, the good times. Can we celebrate our one month anniversary in style?”

“Or just celebrate Valentine’s Day,” Alexis said, sitting on the small side table. She, like Sirius, did not understand the concept of chairs.

“If you’re really serious…” Remus gave Lily a sharp look.

“Oh, of course, my heart doth beat. I can hide my passions for Maya no longer. Our love burns, like a hot iron on skin.”

“Okay,” Lily said with a laugh. “Well, that’s good, because I know a secret.”

“If it’s about a love affair between you and Alexis, you know I am duty bound to tell every boy in our dorms. James will want to watch.” He accepted the throw pillow to his head.

“It’s about your scarf,” Lily said. Remus paused to consider Lily’s face. She did look smug.

“I know who made your scarf,” she singsonged. Remus was intrigued. Curious. Burning with desire to know.

“Hmm. That’s nice. Tell them ‘ta for me.”

“Don’t you want to know?” she huffed. Remus shrugged.

“Between you and Maya, I think I have my hands full. I mean, _three_ girls. Who do I think I am?” Remus said, considering the fire.

“I never said it was a girl,” Lily said. Remus turned to her abruptly while Alexis let out a bark of a laugh.

“That is a lie or I’m burning it,” Remus said.

“So you _do_ care,” she said. Remus sighed.

“Whelp. I’m sure I can set fire to something in my dorm to finish this show. Maybe the scarf, maybe my copious amounts of baked goods. Options.” He stood up to leave.

“Fine, be stuffy. You’ll be asking me soon enough. Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Ah, but see,” Remus said. “You are implying I am feline. My spirit animal is far more terrifying.”

“Oh really?”

“Yes. Fear the butterflies, Lily. Fear them.” With Lily’s laughter bouncing in the air, he left the common room. Upstairs he heard an agonized voice from the other boys’ dorm.

“But I am! I’m scrawny, look! I’m all bones and skinniness! Is that why Lily won’t talk to me?”

“I don’t know about that,” Peter’s voice said. Remus didn’t mean to be leaning against the doorframe, ear at the crack of the door. He wasn’t eavesdropping. Because he never did that. “Maybe you should ask Remus?” James gave another despairing groan.

“Just leave me. Abandon me! I’ll shrivel away, just shrink down and become more of a misconfigured freak. I mean look at this! Do knees really look this way?” Remus was surprised to hear footsteps and quickly backed away. He’d gotten barely two steps before he was face-to-face with Peter.

“Oh, hey, Remus,” Peter said.

“Uh, hi. Is… James alright in there?” Peter shrugged.

“I guess not. Brianne dug into him earlier today, and now he won’t stop bemoaning every little thing.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Can we all just agree to _never_ listen to Brianne? Wait, is that why _Sirius_ has been acting so weird?”

“Brianne might have mentioned to him something about practically slobbering all over Amy Dalton, and then some stuff about how Amy Thayer only used him, so no one would be stupid enough to date him again,” Peter said. “I think he’s starting to get over it though.”

“She hasn’t said anything to you, has she?” Remus asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Peter said, nodding emphatically. “She called me a dumb, ugly blimp. More fat than boy. Which, you know, is true.”

“Pete, you can’t let this get to you. Brianne is just… really really nasty, and I should get a memo out because how are people forgetting this.”

“No, it’s fine,” Peter replied. “I just told her, yeah, I know about all those things. Because I am fat and not really talented, so I told her she was right. And then she said we should go out and I said okay. Now we’re dating.”

“I… Peter, how can you… You know what, never mind. Date Brianne. She is a lunatic but if you’re happy, then good on you.”

“I don’t think you should use the word lunatic,” Peter said. “Seems… weird.”

“Well psychotic queen from hell was too long, so I went with the short version,” Remus returned shortly.

“Well, at least I know where I stand with her,” Peter said.“I just think we really fit together well. I mean, she’s an ace girl.”

“Peter.” Remus held Peter firmly by the shoulders. He had to get through to him. He had to be sincere. Really, factually sincere. “She is the devil incarnate.”

“No, I know. But she has very large breasts.”


	15. Bet On It

_February 12, 1977_

 

They were in James’s dorm this time. James had asked for moral support of all the Gryffindors, even though only William and Remus had been available. Remus was surreptitiously writing notes while James was in the bathroom.

“So, what do you think?” he asked. William wrapped his arms around his knees, thinking.

“I’m gonna go with… hospital wing.”

“You realize that —”

“I know what I’m doing Lupin. And you’ll regret questioning me.” Remus shrugged, then noted it down on his sheet. James came out from the bathroom. Remus noted with concern he had done something to his hair. He assumed it was styling cream. James’s hair didn’t look well styled. It was very shiny, though. Maybe she was secretly a niffler and would like it.

“Hey, you look great,” William said.

“I think that’s cheating,” Remus said, lightly. “But I’ll allow it.”

“Don’t you have any words of encouragement?” James asked.

“You mean for your twisted attempt to ruin Valentine’s Day’s Hogsmeade weekend for my dear friend Lily by stalking her?” Remus asked. “Okay. Hm. How about, there’s a chance she’ll be blinded by whatever you put in your hair, and I have faith in your ability to run away in time?” William snickered.

“What are the odds of that?” William asked. Remus picked up a chocolate frog from James’s bedside table and chucked it at William’s head.

“You’re horrible, Remus. Struck me right through the heart,” James said and patted his chest with a mournful, hurt look.

“I probably could if you don’t dodge.” He picked up another chocolate frog but was interrupted when Sirius came into the dorm.

“She already left with Alexis and Lori. Is that what you’re wearing?” James looked down at the shirt Peter had gotten him for his birthday.

“Yeah?” James asked. Sirius at least had the heart to look at James with pity.

“My friend, I have faith in you. I also assure you, if you die, I will inscribe something appropriately clever and offensive on your tombstone.” James threw an arm around Sirius’s shoulder.

“This,” he said, pointing at Sirius, “This is friendship. Take note, oh ye of little faith.” James turned to leave, but pivoted quickly, a look of worry on his face.

“You’re really not dating her?” he asked. Remus began to pelt chocolate frogs at James’s head.

“Go obnoxiously bother my _platonic_ friend already,” Remus said. “She’ll do far worse to you than I ever could.” James laughed and left. Sirius turned to Remus.

“I hear you have 12-1 he gets a date.” Remus nodded.

“It is, in fact, the worst odds, yes.” Sirius tossed a galleon at Remus.

“I have to support my friends,” Sirius said as Remus noted down the bet on his sheet.

 

*****

 

It was decided that they could sit in the Three Broomsticks when James went looking for Lily there, but they had to be more than a table away to ensure that no one interfered and cheated. Andy joined Will and Remus, bringing a butter beer with him.

“What have I missed?” he asked.

“They’ve exchanged opening greetings. She was surprisingly not hostile,” Remus said.

“I regret all of my choices,” Will said.

“There’s still time,” Remus replied. “He could still end up with Pomfrey in the end.”

“He found her in here?” Andy asked. He was frowning at the spectacle. James was smiling. Lily looked bored. Lori, who was sitting across from her, could have any expression on her face for all Remus knew. The back of her head looked unamused, though, he thought.

“Seems so,” Will said. “Oh, no, he’s coming this way. Quick, what are we talking about.”

“Quidditch,” Andy said.

“Why would I be talking about _Quidditch_?” Will asked as James approached.

“Come on,” James said, yanking Remus from his seat.

“No, I want to stay here,” Remus said. “My butter beer will pine.” Pulled into the fray, he now could see Lori’s face. She looked embarrassed.

“Remus, tell Lily what a fine person I am,” James said.

“Er,” Remus said. “I really don’t think I should get involved here…”

“James, I don’t care what Remus says about you,” Lily replied, “I’m still not going to go with you to Puddifoots.”

“But that’s the Valentine’s place and _you_ deserve to be treated,” James said. “Remus, agree with me.”

“Puddifoots?” Remus asked. He found that place detestable. Maybe he couldn’t be friends with James after all.

“I’m not about to abandon my friend to go to some horrid place with lace and cupids with a toerag like you.”

“Oh, well, then,” James said. He shoved Remus into the seat in the booth next to Lori and seated himself next to Lily. “We’ll double. Problem solved.”

“Er,” Remus said. Lily looked very amused. She was traitorous as well. Maybe the two of them ought to date after all.

“Well, those two _do_ look adorable,” Lily said. “But I really don’t think this” — Lily gestured between herself and James — “will work.” Lily looked up at something behind James and smiled. 

“Why don’t you take someone else to the pink monstrosity?” Lily said.

“Who else would I take?” James asked as someone sat themselves on the end of the table.

“Hey,” Alexis said, barging into the group. “You want to go to Puddifoot’s?”

“If Evans would say yes,” James said. Alexis grabbed his hand to James’s surprise.

“Well, she’s not. You should take me!”

“What?” James asked even as Alexis laced their fingers together and proceeded to drag him out of the Three Broomsticks. Remus looked at his book as surreptitiously as possible to see if this matched anything he’d had down, missing the look of utter confusion James tried to send Remus. He could hear Sirius laughing from across the room as James was led out the door.

“Well, guess that solves that,” Lori said so quietly Remus almost missed it.

“Yeah, that was actually more subtle than I expected,” Lily admitted.

“What was?” Will asked, pulling up a chair and joining the table. Andy came over with Remus’s butter beer. He was a good lad.

“Alexis asking James out. She mentioned it, what? Tuesday?” Lily said, looking to Lori for confirmation. Lori nodded. “She’s been unnaturally patient.”

“You know, I never would’ve suggested it,” Will said, “but they actually could be a good couple.”

“If by good you mean terrifying,” Remus replied.

“Ah, well, anything involving either of those two is,” Andy said. “At least they’ll be easier to keep track of as a pair.”

“Hm,” Remus said, closing the book, placing it on the table, and drinking from his mug.

“What is it?” Lori asked. She looked curiously at the book.

“Nothing. I just didn’t expect James to actually get a date today.” Will groaned.

“Damn him,” Will said. “How did Sirius possibly _win_?”

“Win what?” Lily asked.

“Nothing,” Andy said. “Say, Lori, how are you?”

“Fine,” Lori said. Her elbow bumped Remus’s as she reached for her mug. She pulled her arms in closer to her body. “Sorry,” she said.

“No,” Remus said, trying to make more room for her. “You as small as you are, it’s got to be me taking up space.”

Lily was smiling at him from across the table. She looked very smug.

“No need to be snarky, Remus,” Lily said.

“There’s never a _need_.”

“Play nice now,” she said. “Or Lori might not want to talk with you anymore.”

“Yeah, like everyone else,” Andy said.

“Can’t fight the majority,” Remus said. He took another peek at his book before slipping it away. “But apparently you can fight the odds. To James’s date!”


	16. Right Round

_February 27, 1977_

 

Remus was reading on his bed, vaguely listening to Will and Andy talk, when the loud whoops started. It wasn’t that weird to hear triumphant chanting, but it did seem a bit early on a Sunday for Sirius to be not only ecstatically excited, but also awake.

“Sometimes,” Will said, “I think to myself, why isn’t our dorm that close? Why don’t we bond like that and do ridiculous things? But then I remember something.”

“What’s that?” Andy asked.

“We’re sane,” Will said. Remus couldn’t help but laugh, but he cut it off in time to keep it to a quiet, scoffing expulsion of air. He had an image to uphold.

“It’s true though,” Will continued, pointing at Remus. “We’re normal. The three of us are three normal blokes, and that lot are completely mad.” The whoops grew quiet and now Remus could hear music playing. It was amazingly hilarious that Will thought this was the “normal room”, considering Remus was in it. Perhaps he and Peter had gotten mixed up. Sirius and James were certainly not normal; that was definitely a true statement.

“They are entertaining, I’ll give them that,” Andy said. “But we bond. What about the yearly dorm snow battle? We beat those three this year.”

“Andy, you cheated by charming James’s glasses to fog up permanently,” Remus said.

“Well, yeah, but we hadn’t made a rule against that yet,” Andy said. “Weather will be picking up soon, though. Maybe next week we should go down by the lake and try to bait the giant squid with food.”

“I’m game,” Will said. “Don’t want to go outside today, though. Too cold. Did you want to help me with my Snap deck?”

“Of _course_ I want to help you with your Snap deck,” Andy said, throwing his trunk open and pulling out a large box of cards. “Let’s get down to business. Deck, now.” Will rolled his eyes. It didn’t take much to get Andy going on Snap.

“Remus, do you want to learn more about this with me? I know a lecture on Sunday isn’t what you expected,” Will asked. Remus was frowning and looking at the door. That music seemed odd to him. He’d heard it before, he thought.

“In a minute. I’ve unfortunately been captivated by my curiosity,” Remus said, standing. “Don’t worry, I’m sufficiently abnormal to survive a brief venture into the dorm of insanity. Been vaccinated.”

The music was much louder once he’d opened the other 5th year’s boys’ dorm. Sirius was sitting in front of a turntable which was the source of the music. James was wearing that ridiculous shirt Peter had gotten him for his birthday again. Peter looked fairly put out about the whole affair.

“Are you playing the Sex Pistols?” Remus asked.

“That’s not the real name!” James cried out. “He paid you to say that. I _know_ he made up that name.”

“You know them!” Sirius said with a laugh. “Knew you had good taste.”

“This is awful,” Peter said. “This isn’t music. This is an awful mingling of sounds and mumbling.” Sirius threw a rude gesture in Peter’s direction.

“Our dorm is featuring a lecture on Snap if you want a change of pace,” Remus said and was surprised to see Peter leap off his bed.

“Deal. I’ll send your things.” Remus frowned at that. He’d been joking in his head about him and Peter swapping dorms.

“You look stupid in that shirt,” Remus said to James as soon as Peter disappeared.

“You’re daft. This shirt is amazing,” James said. Remus sat on the bed next to James, eyes on Sirius.

“I didn’t know the wizarding world made anything to play muggle records on,” Remus said.

“Oh, they don’t,” Sirius said.

“His new hobby is taking muggle things and making them work by magic,” James explained. “This is the debut project. I actually didn’t think he could do it.”

“Your lack of faith has been invalidated!” Sirius cried. He was caressing the record player reverentially. It was very weird and creepy.

“Should we leave you two alone?” Remus asked. Sirius turned towards them with the biggest shit-eating grin.

“Nah, we’ve decided to slow things down. Spent a lot of time together, we have. Anyhow, you know the band?” Remus shrugged.

“Yeah. Get them on the radio sometimes while I work.”

“You never told me you listen to muggle radio,” Sirius whined. “When did that start?”

“It started when I bought a radio,” Remus said. “Funny, that.”

“But we could’ve been talking about all these bands. You know I like all of this.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Everyone knows you like ‘all of this’ muggle stuff. I don’t know, I just got the radio to play while I work over the summer. Didn’t seem like something to bring up. S’not like I know much about the bands.”

“Are they _really_ called the Sex Pistols?” James asked. “I thought he’d changed the cover.”

“No, that’s the name. Probably the least shocking thing about them,” Remus said. “This came out in fall didn’t it? Song suits you.”

“Does it?” Sirius asked.

“Have you listened to this yet?” Remus asked.

“Of course not. Couldn’t get it to work. Picked it based on the name.” Remus couldn’t help but laugh.

“Sounds about right.” Sirius looked at the cover of the single. “Should I just ignore the legality concern here?” Remus continued. “I have to admit, of all the things to do illegally, charming a muggle record player is probably the most appropriate and least worrying thing I’d expect from you.”

“You can’t talk about legality anymore,” James said with a grin. “You’re as bad as he is. Worse, maybe. No one remembers what you said at that party, but everyone knows you did something _really illegal_.”

“Other than underage drinking,” Sirius said lightly.

“This will never stop being a subject of gossip, will it?” Remus asked. “I thought things like this died down eventually.”

“No,” James said, shaking his head. “Stories of doing illegal things is one of those defining aspects that stays with you. You went from ‘that quiet, aloof guy with scars’ to ‘that aloof guy who breaks laws and probably got his scars doing something completely illegal’. You have both risen and fallen in many people’s eyes.” Remus groaned.

“It’s okay,” Sirius said. “Our opinion of you rose. Also, you’re a really talkative drunk. We should try that all together. Was it rum? I haven’t tried any of them, but this rum sounds interesting.”

“No we shouldn’t. And I honestly don’t know.” Remus wished he hadn’t been so interested in the music, and not just about the reminder of his delinquency. It felt like he was intruding. It was just, he _liked_ the Sex Pistols. That radio had been the first big thing he’d bought for himself. Mr. Aselthorp had given him a look the first time he had pulled it out and started playing it while working, but he hadn’t said anything. He suspected, to, that the disapproval was mostly due to the fact that Remus found bands like the Sex Pistols to listen to and that wasn’t exactly good for business. Remus probably wouldn’t have bothered coming in to see what James and Sirius were up to if it hadn’t been for the music. Or if his radio actually worked at this school.

“I need more records,” Sirius said. “Remus, you need to come with me to get records.”

“When would I possibly do that?” Remus asked.

“Over the summer. Come into London for a bit and we can go around. James did it over Christmas.”

“We had fun,” James said, nodding. “You haven’t seen true joy until you’ve seen Sirius unleashed on muggle London.”

“I can’t,” Remus said shortly. “I work.”

“And I sneak out of my house,” Sirius said. “Just slip away for a day. It’s not going to kill you.”

“I’m different than you. I have to do work with Mr. Aselthorp. It’s enough that I spend most months here. The summer months are busy, and he needs me.”

“Remus. Mr. Aselthorp? Is a cock-sucking shit-for-brains tyrant,” Sirius said serenely.

“At least I’m welcomed home,” Remus heard himself say. He saw Sirius’s face go apoplectic before something connected with the back of his head — _hard —_ and he fell forward onto the ground.

“Fuck…” Remus said, holding the back of his head. He looked up to see James massaging his hand. As if that hurt more than Remus’s head.

“Language,” James said. His expression was blank, which was weirdly scary on the normally expressive boy.

“Yeah. Fine,” Remus said, picking himself up carefully. “Well, ta for the music. Was nice.” He chanced a glance at Sirius as he walked by, but Sirius was turned back towards the record player. Remus made it to the door before he turned.

“I didn’t mean that,” he said. “I… There’s a reason I don’t talk with people, right?”

“Sure,” Sirius said, darkly. “Too busy keeping step. No time for talking with your head so far up your arse.” Remus let out a groan of frustration and walked out. He heard James talking and stopped just outside the door on one side of the frame to listen.

“Are you two fighting?” James asked.

“No,” Sirius said. “He’s just being a twat, like he’s been all year.”

“You’re still in on the plan, though, right?”

“Of course,” he heard Sirius reply. It sounded empty though. “We worked this long on it; I’m not about to back out now. Besides, we’re close now.”

“Yeah, okay. Maybe you should stop complaining about his guardian, though. I’m kind of sick of hearing it.”

“Calling that bastard a guardian is a sick joke,” Sirius said harshly. “I’ve gotta piss.”

Remus bolted from the door before Sirius came out to the shared bathroom. He wondered what Sirius’s problem was. Also what the real secret project was, since he now had solid evidence that the map wasn’t the only thing they’d been up to. He went back to his own dorm. Andy was sitting with the cards, sorting things around, while Will and Peter talked.

“Thought he was helping you?” Remus asked. Will shrugged.

“Apparently its faster for him just to do it himself,” Will said. “It’s fine.”

“Remus,” Peter said plaintively, “William’s brother overheard that someone has a crush on me? And I don’t know what to do.”

“Aren’t you dating Brianne?”

“Well, yes, but who knows how long that’ll last,” Peter said. “She mostly just talks. A lot. She hates basically everything, and I get enough of that from Sirius.”

“I can see why that would be frustrating,” Remus said. “Do we know who has this crush?”

“Er. No?” Peter said.

“Dylan might know,” Will said. “I didn’t exactly push him for details. Hey, I know, we could set both of you up on a blind double date with your secret admirers! And then we can make you matching flower crowns.” Remus ignored Will.

“Well, Pete, then you wait until you know who it is, and just keeping being yourself. I mean, they like you, so be you.”

“Yeah. Okay, you’re right. … Why do they like _me_ though? I’m… I’m _me_!”

“I don’t follow,” Remus said. He winced and rubbed his head. That had _really hurt_.

“I’m… well I’m fat for one. And a bit stupid, too. I’m not going to lie about that.”

“Peter, they probably like you because you try to get along with everyone. You go up to every person and see them for what they are. Look, you even know yourself. You see things for exactly what they’re worth and… exalt it. You give wonderful compliments to others, even if you won’t to yourself.”

“Hey, where’s this nice Remus?” Andy asked, looking up. “He should speak up more and say nice things about us.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“I’m a multifaceted, complicated creature. A shattered mirror, as likely to draw blood as say kindly words,” Remus replied without emotion.

“Why do you keep rubbing your head?” Will asked.

“Oh, low flying hippogriff smacked me square on,” he said lightly. “It’s fine.”

“On the subject of Remus’s admirer,” Andy said with a grin. “I heard who it was.”

“From who?” Will asked.

“Penelope. We’ve been working on this potions project. You know how she talks.”

“I think I’ve hit my quota on human interaction,” Remus said, crossing to his bed and pulling out a textbook. Even though he was deathly curious at this point. His curiosity was going to kill him one of these days.

“Lori Wilcox is pretty quiet, I doubt it’d be that far over your ‘quota’,” Andy said.

“ _Lori_ sent it?” Peter said. His eyes widened in surprise, but then a thoughtful expression managed a coup. “You two _are_ pretty similar.” Remus wasn’t sure about that. Lori shared her dorm with Lily, Alexis, and Penelope. She was tiny: very petite with short blond hair. Quiet as anything; sweet, too. She had a huge collection of books. Remus had borrowed a few over the years, so maybe that could be considered a common interest. Not similarity, since Remus decidedly did not have a huge collection.

“That explains why Lily has been going on about that stupid scarf,” Remus said. “Ugh, and in the Three Broomsticks…”

“Is Lily jealous?” Will asked. Remus groaned.

“Me. And. Lily. _Friends_ ,” Remus said with growing impatience. “She probably just wants to set me and Lori up.”

“Is there any reason not to go out with her?” Will asked. “She’s pretty cute.”

“I’m just really tired, okay?” Remus said. He pulled his book back up and did his best to block out everything else that was going on. He didn’t want to think about Lori, or Peter’s new admirer, or whatever was wrong with Sirius this week. He just wanted to dive deep into this stupid potions work and actually understand it for once.

 

_March 6, 1977_

 

Remus breathed deeply. He knew this would happen eventually. No one kept their word.

“Remus, you have to understand: he’s an idiot, but it wasn’t personal.” Remus listened stoically to James. He’d sat up in his bed despite the ache in his muscles, which he considered was a testament to his investment in this… incident. He wondered why James was here instead of Sirius or Dumbledore, but perhaps that was just James being James. He was just the sort to come in as soon as Remus woke, invisible however he was doing it, and try to set the record straight, damn everything else.

“It’s fine,” Remus said calmly. He felt cold and numb, but his voice betrayed none of that. He sounded bored, even to his own ears. “No one got hurt. Someone would’ve found their way in eventually. I’m happy you were there to pull him back.”

“Snape’s a git,” James said. “He shouldn’t’ve been digging around like that.”

“I’m not surprised you’re taking Sirius’s side,” Remus said with a smile. “You’re a good friend.”

“He doesn’t think so right now,” James said. “Which he shouldn’t for the time being; he’s an idiot. But Remus, please, you’re his friend. You can be angry, yes, but just tell me you’ll come talk and let us make this _right_.”

“I’m not any of your friends!” Remus yelled suddenly, surprising even himself. Because he didn’t care and this wasn’t something that mattered anyway. James looked through the drawn curtain with worry. Remus forced his calm to return. “You’ve all been very good to me. I’ll never forget that. But please don’t lie to me anymore.”

“I’ve never lied to you,” James said. His voice was softer than Remus had heard before. Hurt, possibly. “Neither has Sirius. Maybe we’re awful friends, but we are your friends, believe me.”

“Was anyone hurt?” Remus asked shortly.

“No, I told you, I got the door shut before you could do anything. Wards all in place. You couldn’t’ve hurt someone if you tried,” James said.

“And he’ll talk?”

“No, Dumbledore convinced Snape,” James said. “He had us all in. None of us has slept and could I _ever_ use the sleep now.”

“Then go sleep,” Remus said. “All I have to enjoy is the next two years and a half of school until I’m back to the society that hates me. As long as he’ll keep quiet, I guess I’ll make do. I’ll make what I can of Dumbledore’s generosity.”

“Moony, you deserve to be here more than me!” James hissed with energy. “You work hard at this. At everything!”

“Leave me alone, James,” Remus said. “I want to rest.”

“For now,” James said. “I’ll let you rest for now. But you’re our friend. You’re _my_ friend. So I’m not walking away.”

And James disappeared.


	17. Girls are Stupid and Crushing Doesn't Sound Very Good

_March 18, 1977_

 

James was true to his word. Almost two weeks had passed. Two weeks with James _very_ close at hand. He’d employed Peter, too, so Remus felt that he was never alone. And so here Remus was somehow. He told himself it was for the bet. It had nothing to do with the combined obdurate tenacity of James bent on getting what he wants and Peter’s uncanny ability to wheedle you into situations through compliments.

“Why isn’t it working?” James asked, nudging the parchment. Remus shrugged. Peter looked perplexed. Sirius wasn’t there.

“Maybe we need to modify the runes. We’re using them a bit differently than they’re intended,” Remus said. It was very frustrating. This should have worked perfectly, and now he’d wasted days and days tagging rooms of the first floor to test their idea. It wasn’t just failing to track the moving rooms; it wasn’t picking up any rooms at all.

“Maybe we should just work out the first part?” Peter asked. “Just getting it to pick up the signals for the rooms. If that works, then it’ll be easier to see if it works with a moving room. We could even use the dorms; they don’t ever move, and they’d be a lot easier to get to to try new ideas.”

“Oh, genius!” James said, diving for his trunk. Remus frowned, but upon seeing Peter’s face he attempted to smile encouragingly. The expressions weren’t very different for Remus. James pulled up a book and returned to the crowd circled around the proto-map on the floor.

“We can try this, then,” James said. “I’ve been looking up on tracking people, because you know, that’d make the map just spot on ace. So I looked it up, and this one I found, it can even get names in. See?” Remus looked at it. The spell was intended for auror work. Remus flipped back to one of the referent spells, which was much simpler and based on clocks who tracked people. He decided not to check the book because he figured James probably shouldn’t have it in his possession given the purpose of the spell on the next page and Remus believed in plausible deniability.

“Hey yeah, that would be good,” Peter said. “Wouldn’t even need the cloak if we knew who was walking about all the time.”

“Cloak?” Remus asked.

“Alright, well, I’ll get to work on the people tracking. Remus will do whatever updating he wants to do on the room things. And Peter…,” James said, hand on his chin.

“I’ll study for Charms,” Peter said. “I think I’m going to fail this test coming up if I don’t.”

“You’ll get it, Pete,” Remus said, standing. “I’ll go see if there’s a better reference book in the library.”

 

******

 

Remus never made it to the library. He would have to send his regrets via calligraphied inscription. And it would involve blaming one Lily Evans.

“No,” he said, even as she was dragging him.

“But you’re the best at Defence! Everyone says it. You know _every_ creature and the best ways to counteract them. And you’re good with all the different spells, too. You do know it’s OWLs this year, right?”

“Lily, I know we have OWLs. I have been studying for my OWLs. But that’s not what this is!”

“Yes it — oh, hi!” Lily said in a falsely bright tone. Remus stood stock still in the doorway of a side study room in the charms corridor. “I think everyone knows Remus here,…”

“Hi….” Remus said shakily while Lily dragged him inside. He recognized Lori, obviously. Her face was red, which looked very odd given her normally pale complexion and soft gold hair. There were two Ravenclaws too. Remus did not know them at all, but they were smiling. They knew.

Scarf Bomb.

Remus was deposited in a seat - next to Lori _surprisingly_ \- and Lily resumed her seat at the head of the table.

“Alright, so I say we split into groups to work on what we need most. Ben, Jillian, you wanted to work with me on charms.”

“Yes,” Jillian said. “I can’t quite get the filing charm to work right.”

“Stupid charm to have on a test anyway,” said Ben.

“More useful to a career than levitating pencils,” Remus countered. He felt very very horrible afterwards since it sounded honest and sensible. “Filing… it’s the building block of society.” He began pointing to each person in turn: “You get a box, and you get a box - efficiency.” Jaded status save. Remus felt pleased to ensure his apathy. Lily looked less than pleased.

“And Lori wanted extra help in Defence, but since I’m so _busy_ here…” Remus glared at Lily’s beaming face. “There’s more space in the next room for practical applications.” Remus felt like screaming, and also like filing one Lily Evans away in a box to be forgotten in the back of a deserted warehouse. One glance at Lori, though, showed she did in fact have a Defence book open.

“Fine, we can review defence spells,” Remus said as he stood up. Lori picked up her book and glared across the room at Lily. Good. Lily deserved that. Why did all of Remus’s friends seem to be manipulative and insane? Remus stepped aside to let Lori go first, which allowed him the opportunity to send his own disapproving look to his friend. Lily did not look put out over either reaction.

The other room was filled with extra desks, some of which looked broken. Lori placed her book on a stable one and flipped to one of the pages on spells.

“Is this what you’re having difficulties with?” Remus asked, turning the book towards himself.

“Um, yes,” Lori said. “Especially the Reductor Curse. I can’t seem to get it to work.”

“It’s a bit tougher than the others,” Remus admitted. “Unless you are prone to temper tantrums, I hear.”

“Hm,” Lori said, giving Remus a questioning look. “So. Do you have any… suggestions?”

“Other than getting really angry? Sure,” Remus said. “Angry doesn’t really help you much in these situations anyway. It’s best to keep your head if you have defence in mind. Or, you know, intense spring cleaning. We could probably use something to practice on.”

“The desks?” Lori said.

“They’d probably break if I touched them.”

Lori went up to one of the desks and cast a quick spell — the wood cracked as it melded together once more and hardened. Remus rapped the new desk with surprise. It was hard as rock now. Seemed she was fine on charms, then. Remus filed that in his mind for future reference.

“Well, if you can destroy that then we know you’ve mastered the curse. Okay, well, um, I guess show me how you’re doing at the spell so far.” Lori lifted her arm, wrist loose, and flicked the spell forward.

“ _Reducto_!” she said, enunciating carefully. A shower of blue shot out and quickly dissolved to nothing.

“It’s your hold,” Remus said without hesitation. “ _Reducto_ should be stiff. Hand, fingers, wrist, all locked into place. Only your elbow ought to move. Otherwise there won’t be enough force in the spell to destroy anything.”

“Oh,” Lori said. She tried again, and though she still was a little loose, at least the spell fully formed and hit the desk. A few splinters peeled away. “That was better. Do you, um, did you learn this spell in your work, Remus?”

“My work?” Remus asked. Lori nodded.

“Over summers. You’ve always said you work over summers, right?”

“I do work,” Remus said. He wasn’t sure how Lori knew that. They certainly hadn’t discussed it to his knowledge. “Haven’t had the chance to do magic myself being underage, but it would make pest control faster if the houses just didn’t exist.”

“That’s not what I… Sorry, I guess I forgot about underage magic.”

“No, it’s fine,” Remus said, angry at himself for making Lori feel bad. Remus really needed to learn to keep his mouth shut, at least as far as sarcasm was concerned. Too harsh for a nice girl like Lori.

“I just think it’s really impressive, already working,” Lori continued. “That’s real responsibility.”

“It’s definitely reality,” Remus mentioned. That hadn’t been how he’d wanted to say things either. This conversation was rapidly crashing. “Er, if we wanted to get the spell stronger, it’s really a matter of willpower at this point. The more you really focus on your desire for that desk to shatter into millions of tiny deadly spears, the stronger it will become.”

“Is that where anger comes in?” Lori asked. She had a slight smile on her face.

“I’m sure anger barges in whenever it pleases, but, yes, that is the point at which anger actually proves productive. Destructive. Well, both simultaneously I suppose.” Remus fiddled with the fabric at his wrists.

“What are those?” Lori asked.

“Oh, these are just… wrist warmers, I suppose,” Remus said.

“Suppose it hasn’t warmed up enough this spring yet, has it?” Lori continued.

“It’s warmed up some. Not scarf and hat weather still, is it?” Remus said then instantly desired to jump into a pit. He avoided Lori’s eyes and dug widely in his head for any change in conversation.

“Is it for covering up scars?” Lori asked.

“What?” Remus responded. That was not an acceptable topic change. Lori was far more observant than she let on.

“I’ve seen them, around your wrists. They aren’t as noticeable as the ones on your arms, but I always assumed it was just another creature from your work that did it. Look like bad burns… They are, right? From work?”

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Remus said shortly. “How about we try the spell again.”

 

*****

 

“Remus,” Lily said, sitting across from him at the dinner table. Which was annoying because he’d purposely sat far from where everyone normally sat to be left alone.

“Lily.” Remus turned back to his book. A novel about a wizard during one of the goblin wars. Very far removed from hum drum life. Also from manipulative-friends-and-scarves life.

“You were mean to Lori,” Lily said.

“I was not,” Remus snapped.

“She said you dismissed all the things she said, that you clearly didn’t like talking to her, and it’s pretty clear you don’t like her at all,” Lily said. “And this is Lori, so you must have said something nasty to warrant that.”

“I was just myself,” Remus said. “It turns out I’m not fun to talk to.”

“I told you to stop being so sarcastic all the time! You _are_ fun to talk with — if you just stop acting like everything is beneath you.”

“ _That’s_ what people think?” Remus asked, laughing. “That is not true at all. I do not think everything is beneath me. I’m too short for that.”

“See?” Lily said. “Why don’t you stop making all those snide comments and talk honestly.”

“I don’t have to tell you everything about me,” Remus said. “Or Lori. Look, I never said I could converse like a normal person.”

“You could if you wanted to,” Lily said. “I’m your friend, and Lori’d like to be, too. We want to hear about the things in your life.”

“Well, when I feel like talking, I’ll let you know,” Remus said, standing and walking from the hall. He suddenly wasn’t hungry. He caught Lori’s eyes following him as he left. He ignored it. He didn’t feel like talking about his life, even if he could.

 


	18. Whas'your name, man?

_March 18, 1968_

 

He tried again to pull at the shackles. His wrists _burned_. They hurt _so much_. And his throat was sore from yelling. He’d yelled all night, but no one had come. He suddenly had the horrible idea that no one _would_ come. Was he really going to be alone here? Forever? How long would that be? His breaths quickened and he felt tears come to his eyes again. He’d have been embarrassed to cry before. Boys didn’t cry. But now that was different. The panic set him to screaming out again. Someone would find him, wouldn’t they? They’d take these horrible things off, and his parents would come back, say they were sorry they’d let the other men take him away. It would all go back to normal, somehow.

The sound of cracking branches quieted him. He struggled, turning towards the sound. Presently a humped shadow came into view. He started yelling again, because that didn’t look human, and he _really_ didn’t want to be eaten.

“Quiet!” a voice called out. The shadow began to take shape. It _was_ a man; the hump was caused by a huge pack over the man’s back. He had a harsh-looking face, dirty stringy hair, and a heavy gait. The man stopped just before the tree, looking down.

“Hm. Silver shackles. Yeah, that’d explain it.” After a moment, the man crouched over and started fiddling with the cuffs. “So, wolf, how old are you?”

“I’m not a wolf - ow!” The cuffs struck fresh skin as the man roughly tugged them about.

“Because little boys cry out at the touch of silver. I asked a question.”

“I’m seven,” he said quietly.

“And how long you been bit?”

“Bit?”

“By the wolf. When’d the wolf bite you. How many times have you changed, wolf?” The man was a bit scary, but someone had come. And the man was trying to get the shackles off. It was a huge relief.

“Um, a wolf attacked a month ago.”

“And the change?” the man asked. “Did you change into a wolf or not yet?”

“I… yes. A week ago.” He felt tears again. “It hurt.”

“Yes, it did.” The cuffs sprang free and he pulled his arms away from them. The burns looked red and ugly, and the stinging hadn’t stopped. The man took him by the shirt and raised him abruptly. He was dragged stumbling to a nearby stream and the man pushed the boy’s hands into the water. That felt better. He let out a great sigh of air at the cool relief of the water.

“You been on that tree long?” the man asked.

“Um, since last night.” The water looked delicious, and he bent to drink. A hand grabbed his shirt and yanked back.

“Don’t drink that,” the man growled. He took a cup from his pack and cast a spell. It filled with water, and then the man shoved it towards him. The water was gone in seconds. The man filled the cup twice more before sitting back and poking around in his pack.

“I hope you like walking, wolf,” the man said. He pulled out a sandwich and handed it over. That too disappeared quickly.

“My name’s John,” he said.

“No, it’s not. That’s a name for a boy, and you aren’t a boy anymore; you’re a wolf. And a wolf needs a wolf name.” He felt like protesting, but he didn’t want to anger the man who’d just helped him. An apple was placed into his hands before the man stood up and walked back towards the tree. He came back presently with the cuffs and chain.

“Please don’t put those on me again,” he said, but the man shook his head.

“Some things just need doing, wolf. Right. I’m Mr. Aselthorp, and you’ll call me that. I’ll have to rearrange some things to get these in the pack, but once I do, we’re leaving. It’ll take us ’til the evening to get to the next town, so keep up.”

“You’re not taking me back to my parents?” Mr. Aselthorp turned a dark look towards him. The eyes were startling different. One steely grey, the other warm brown.

“I’m not taking you to anyone that will just shackle you up again to die. Waste of it, I think. You are a wizard, aren’t you?” He nodded emphatically. Mr. Aselthorp turned his gaze away. His attention returned to the pack and it wasn’t long before he’d shouldered the load onto his shoulders again. “Alright, come on. And you best keep up, wolf. I’ll have chores for you to do tomorrow.”

“Are you going to call me that the whole way?” he asked. Mr. Aselthorp shrugged.

“A wolf does need a wolf name,” he said thoughtfully. His eyes glanced down, a flicker of brown before he focused again on the road.

“Remus’d be appropriate. Guess I’ll call you that.”


	19. Getting Angry Solves Everything

_April 17 1977_

  


Remus should’ve known it’d be him, but for some reason he was still surprised to see Sirius hurl the spell at the glass case, the shards scattering violently across the room. Remus shielded himself; Sirius didn’t react at all.

“What are you _doing_?” Remus yelled.

“I saw a trophy of my great-uncle and he doesn’t deserve to be remembered,” Sirius said, readying another spell. Remus grabbed Sirius’s arm and yanked down.

“So all the trophies suffer?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Sirius growled, trying to pull his arm free. “Now let me go!” Remus did not let go.

“Sirius, I _have_ to take points for this. You are _destroying the trophy room_. And… Sirius, you’re _bleeding!”_ Remus’s grip slackened and Sirius pulled his bleeding arm free.

“S’fine. Doesn’t hurt.”

“And shattering more glass is the solution? Of course, what was I thinking in the hospital wing all this time. _More_ bleeding is the solution.” Another case shattered and Remus covered his face by reflex.

“Sirius, _please stop_ shattering the trophy cases. You could lose an eye, or I could, and then where would we be?”

“In detention, probably,” Sirius said darkly. “That’s what you want to do, right? Tell me to stop, then give me detention, and walk away back to whatever you do nowadays.”

“The request for the cessation of your rampage and the subsequent dispersal of detention are immutable facts. Because on the first, I would like there to be less risk of bodily harm, and for the second, you’ll get it anyway. If not from me, than from a teacher.”

“But you’re supposed to be on _our side_!” Sirius whined.

“Your side of what?” Remus asked, starting to lose his calm entirely. How did Sirius always do this to him? “I was chosen as a prefect; there are things I’m expected to do. It’s not about sides.”

“It is always about sides,” Sirius said with anger. “It’s always about doing what’s right and fuck all about the rules everyone else sets because what do they know!”

“I think,” Remus said, enunciating carefully and speaking slowly, “that they do know the _inanimate trophy room_ didn’t really do anything wrong. And that this is dangerous to your wellbeing. Do I need to repeat that you are bleeding, Sirius?” Sirius fell against the wall. He sat on the floor, pulled up his legs, and buried his face in his knees.

“Sirius, you’re sitting on broken glass,” Remus said. Sirius didn’t move. With what he felt was unending patience, Remus carefully moved the nearby glass shards aside and sat next to Sirius.

“How can you hang out with Evans all the time,” Sirius asked without looking up.

“Because we’re _friends_ ,” Remus said shortly. Sirius turned on him instantly

“You’re supposed to talk with us! _We’re_ your best friends!”

“I’m shocked,” Remus said. “You’re actually jealous over the truthful situation. … This is very unexpected.”

“Stop joking around.”

“I just didn’t expect to be so sought after. My faces flushes over this spate of platonic passion.”

“Stop being mean!” Sirius huffed.

“Not mean, sardonic. It’s the morbid love child of mean and depressed.”

“Noooooo…” Sirius moaned. “I just want you to _talk_ to me. Not quips. Real words!”

“Ok.” Remus waited, but Sirius was not forthcoming. “What do you want to talk about.” The silence continued. Remus wondered what had really led him here. A werewolf, in a proper school, sitting on broken glass with a very very wealthy pureblood heir, who apparently was begging for his platonic affection. An heir who had given Remus’s secret away with possibly an intention to kill. Actually, Remus believed Sirius was careless enough to not even realize the consequences. That sort of thing shouldn’t’ve worked in Sirius’s favor.“Sirius, I need some guideposts here. Something happened, right?” Sirius collapsed against Remus’s shoulder and nodded. Remus wondered why everyone seemed to think he was good at comforting people. And why he was comforting Sirius. But two months _had_ passed, and somehow it seemed like forever.

“Okay. Let me take guesses then. Hm. You never figured out that puzzle thing. The _gog_.” Head shake. “Hm. This isn’t still over what Amy Dalton said about the slobber thing?”

“Oh you bring that up now too. My life is a disaster…”

“Your life is hardly a disaster. Mass destruction, certainly.” A vicious poke assaulted Remus’s stomach. “Really, Sirius, I’m not going to guess this.”

“Fought with my parents. Over the Easter hols.”

“Oh,” Remus said. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

Remus looked down at Sirius’s head cautiously. He was sure the fight had to be something more. At least he expected as much. Remus assumed that Sirius always fought with his parents, but he wasn’t normally this upset. Or maybe James was just not here in time to help.

“S’getting worse,” Sirius said finally. Remus heaved a sigh. It was odd. Remus only had Mr. Aselthorp who had actively chosen to take Remus into his life. Who actually looked out for him, Remus knew. His family…

“Well, you know parents aren’t everything, right?” Remus said. “A mother’s just the person who pushed your body out into the world. Doesn’t magically make her worth your time to care about. And all a father did was get one off and he’d have done that anyway.” Sirius made a noise, but Remus wasn’t sure if it was a sound of amusement or disgust.

“Have you talked with James about this?” Remus asked. Sirius shoved Remus over. Remus was thankful he’d had the foresight to remove the glass from the ground immediately around him.

“Stop telling me to talk to James about everything!” Sirius yelled.

“But James is your best friend,” Remus said calmly, sitting up again.

“I’m Sirius Black. I’m amazing and I get two best friends.” Remus didn’t know how to argue with that. Things were quiet for a time. Sirius took Remus’s wrist in his hands.

“You’re wearing them,” he said, feeling the fabric of the wrist warmers.

“Oh, yes. Thank you, by the way.”

“Do they survive the… you know?” Sirius asked. Remus nodded. “Good. They were supposed to.”

“You are a surprisingly considerate person, Sirius, when you have a mind to be.” Sirius smiled.

“See? Friend Moony is the best Moony.” Remus decided to let the nickname slide for now.

“Where is James, anyway?” Remus asked.

“Probably with Alexis, being relationship-y. It’s all he wants to talk about now. Do you have odds on when they’ll break up?”

“No, the only relationship I have odds on is Joyce and Devon. Did you know they’re still together? How is that possible?”

“They are saccharine and disgusting,” Sirius agreed. “Is Amy still talking about that slobber thing? Because Brianne said no one wants to date me because Amy Dalton told everyone that I slobber, not kiss.”

“Well Brianne is mean, do you need a memo?”

“Moony.”

“What?”

“Do you think I slobber?”

“I have no idea if you slobber but you probably don’t. It seems like it’d be a very silly thing to do. Brianne lies. And no, I really don’t want to be involved in any tests involving slobbering, under any circumstance.”

“Friend Moony needs to come back and stop being a jerk,” Sirius said.

“Friend Moony is on loan while Prefect Moony figures out what to do about this mess.”

“You’re really going to punish me?” Sirius asked with indignation.

“The thought had occurred. I can probably bring it down to one night’s detention and, I don’t know, ten points? If we can clean this up.”

“That sounds like detention, cleaning this up.”

“Well Friend Moony is still on loan to help if we do it now.”


	20. I Will Show You The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Haha, look at these things I'm meant to be updating... well, at least I can say I was productive in the meantime and got a job (with healthcare!)

_April 22, 1977_

__  


It was finally a good, sunny day outside. Remus was happy to be lying in the sun. It was grassy, and there were wildflowers. Remus had decapitated said wildflowers with a quick severing charm and then blown the vile pollen infested weeds away, along with the ends of each blade of grass. This patch was in need of mowing anyhow.

“Is that a part of your work too?” Peter asked, walking across the sloped ground towards Remus.

“Lawn care?” Remus asked. “Generally not. Be messy with the gnome jobs.”

“Thanks for the image. Now I’m disturbed,” Peter said. He sat on the freshly cut grass and fell back onto the ground.

“Peter. Please. Come and sit with me,” Remus said. Peter didn’t seem to notice the exasperation in Remus’s voice.

“Did I tell you that I found out who the Hufflepuff was who had a crush on me?” Peter said.

“No,” Remus said. “But I suspect you will.”

“I found out who the Hufflepuff was who had a crush on me is.”

“I’m riveted.” Remus sat on the grass next to Peter. He looked out over the grounds: a team was practicing on the pitch, a group of kids gathered around the Willow, and it looked like another group of students were either wading in the lake or offering sacrifices to the squid.

“See, Brianne heard about it…”

“Nothing that starts with Brianne ends well,” Remus said. “I’m almost at my wits end hearing about her, and I speak with Sirius on a regular basis. She’s mad.”

“Hm,” Peter agreed. “She wasn’t that bad. Hehe, d’you know, she likes muggle things? Not all things, but she has these smokes, muggle smokes, that she likes.”

“She and Sirius should have a muggle hate date,” Remus suggested. “They can hate whatever they want and deride it all day while doing muggle things.”

“I don’t know if I want to see a situation in which the two of them are in agreement,” Peter said. “When she heard about this other girl, she got angry, said I was flirting with someone else, and a lot of nasty things, then dumped me.”

“Can she function without insulting people?” Remus asked.

“No,” Peter said definitively. “She cannot. I’m probably better off, though.”

“Yes. Yes you are better off.” Remus turned to Peter, his face solemn. “I can’t believe that was a question. Did you honestly think that needed to be asked?”

“There are better questions…” Peter admitted.

“Oh, I have a question!” Remus said, waving his arm with unfamiliar exuberance. “Pick me!”

“Yeah?” Peter asked.

“Who was the Hufflepuff?” Remus asked. He didn’t really want to know that much, but it was a better question. He honestly wanted any excuse to stop discussing Brianne.

“Oh. Heather Stills. She’s a year below us.”

“Oh,” Remus said. That was depressingly anticlimactic.

“So nothing will come of that,” Peter said. “Because she’s kind of, well, weird. I think she likes me based on an aura or something else divination-y.”

“Still.” Remus said.

“Oh, no, still. It’s good to be liked,” Peter agreed. He started humming absently.

“You’re just waiting until Gryffindor gets off the pitch aren’t you?” Remus asked.

“Pretty much,” Peter said. “I’m hoping James and Andy want to play Snap. Or do anything, really.”

“Well, thank you for the update. I love knowing what everyone else is talking about.”

“Since you’re no longer the center of popular conversations?” Peter asked.

“Has my time of infamy finally receded?” Remus asked. “Oh, let us rejoice! Celebrations! Jubilees! Other fun things!”

“You’re a very strange boy, you know that?” Peter said.

“Hm,” Remus agreed.

“You’re invited if you want to join,” Peter said.

“No,” Remus said, looking up at the sun. It’d be enjoyable, at least, watching them. Andy was so invested in Snap, and James could get excited over cottage cheese, let alone games. But it still wasn’t in him to get that involved. “I think I prefer to watch from the sidelines. You can learn a lot that way. More than you’d get directly, anyhow.”

__  


_April 22, 1972_

  


He wasn’t eavesdropping, Remus told himself. He had just sidled close to a barely open door, which may or may not have swung out a little via a nudge of a foot.

“He’s convenient to have around. Bit sloppy with the work, but he can handle gnomes just fine. I work a lot clearing out gnomes. Most of my income, actually, and it’s not easy keeping two mouths fed.” The man with the long grey beard nodded. Mr. Dumbledore. The man had been very nice. All but shoved candy into Remus’s hand, it felt like.

“Of course. Still, the boy is eleven. He ought to be brought to school. He could learn very much.”

“He probably could, at that.” Mr. Aselthorp stretched out his legs and cast his eyes back around the room. Remus ducked away from the crack in the door, hoping he hadn’t been seen. “But I don’t think you’d want him there, anyhow. Not a boy at all, I have to tell you.”

“I’m aware of the Remus’s condition,” Mr. Dumbledore said. “Although I see you haven’t registered him.”

“Of course not. What use would that be to me?” Mr. Dumbledore smiled. Remus was pleased that he was that useful to Mr. Aselthorp. He’d come to understand more clearly what being a werewolf really meant to the world. What he deserved. He wanted to remain useful to Mr. Aselthorp.

“Of course. Well, I suppose if you’re truly dead set against sending him to school, there’s little I can do. It’s a shame I’ve already put measures in place for the moons. Planting the final addition over the summer.”

“Shame it is,” said Mr. Aselthorp.

“And I’ll have to explain to the board why our scholarship must go to another incoming student. The final decision just came through, and we were set to pay for his new school supplies. But, I’m sure there is someone else who can benefit from such an opportunity. Education is very important, you know.” Mr. Aselthorp was quiet.

“Did all that for a wolf. You’re a funny man, Dumbledore.”

“Not any more than you, I would imagine.” Mr. Aselthorp threw his gaze around the room again. Remus ducked away. He heard the sound of a chair moving and made to get away from the door.

“Wait,” Mr. Aselthorp said. “Wouldn’t want to put you out after you did all that work. Maybe Hogwarts will do some good, make him better at the work. Education is very important.”

“I’m glad you’ve reconsidered,” Mr. Dumbledore said. There was a pause before Mr. Dumbledore continued on. “Does he know?”

“Know what?”

“That you did a job at his parents’ house before you took him in. Immediately before, I believe it was. And that the woods he was in were no where near any people whatsoever. Not really a place to find clients.”

“Weren’t his parents then,” Mr. Aselthorp said. “And maybe I was just having a peaceful walk.”

“Of course,” Mr. Dumbledore answered. “You should probably tell him someday, though.”

“Don’t meddle so much; a man ought to keep to his own self and not bother every other person about.”

By the time the door opened Remus had moved well away. Mr. Dumbledore still caught his eye though, and Remus had a feeling he’d known Remus was eavesdropping.


	21. With Pretty Ribbons In My Hair

_April 29, 1977_

Lily was already at the table for lunch when Remus came in. He took the seat next to her and started to pile food onto his plate. It was four days until the full, which somehow always made him very hungry.

“Lori asked about you again today,” Lily said. “She asked me whether I’ve kissed you and if you were good at kissing or not.”

“I thought I’d sunk that ship,” Remus said. Lily shrugged.

“Guess not.”

“What did you tell her?” Remus asked.

“I thought about talking up your very talented kissing skills, but remembered it’d only fuel what everyone’s saying anyway.”

“I’m just glad they’re bothering you about this, too,” Remus said. “Comrades in arms, and all that.”

“She still really likes you, you know,” Lily said.

“Why? Why would Lori like me?” Remus asked. “I clearly failed at our actual encounter. So how is this still a thing?”

“Maybe because you’re not as stupid as the other boys and actually have interesting things to say? Also, some girls think those scars on your arms make you seem dangerous and mysterious. How’d you get them again?”

“Dire butterfly attack,” Remus said. “Very very dangerous. We suspect they wanted to take me back to their shrine and offer me up as an unholy sacrifice, but I was so pathetic fighting back they decided I wasn’t unholy enough.”

“One day you’re going to tell me,” Lily said with pure confidence. “You can’t keep a secret forever.”

“That is where you are wrong. I have to keep secrets forever. Otherwise they’re not secrets anymore. Just rogue embarrassments.” James made an inordinate amount of noise as he sat across from Lily.

“You two look _adorable_ today,” he said with a sour expression.

“See, Lily, I told you I didn’t need ribbons in my hair to be adorable,” Remus said, trying to cut off the inevitable argument.

“Maybe I just think the ribbons would suit you,” Lily responded with good humour.

“I think a tiara sounds better,” Sirius said and sat next to James.

“We can put ribbons on the tiara!” Lily said with excitement. Remus had a sinking feeling this was no longer a joke.

“And flowers. It wouldn’t be a proper Moony tiara without flowers.” Remus tried to kick Sirius under the table. He really hated that nickname; he worried someone else would figure out his secret. Or that there’d be more rumors about his delinquent activities. Neither option was acceptable.

“Yes, flowers,” Lily said. “I’m thinking violets.” James looked between Sirius and Lily, seemingly confused.

“Not lilies?” James asked.

“Too obvious,” Sirius said dismissively. “Lupines are out too. Not creative enough.”

“How can you get along with all my friends but not like me!” James whined.

“Standards,” she said. Sirius broke into giggles. Lily turned on him.

“Besides, clearly me and Sirius can talk about girl stuff.”

“Oi!” Sirius said, flipping from mirth to anger in point negative three seconds. His temper was quickly cut off by sounds from the Slytherin table.

“What in the…” Lily asked, staring. Rolls were leaping from the bowls to pummel the students’ faces, and Remus saw one girl get drenched in steamed vegetables. James was laughing.

“Potter!” Lily yelled.

“Really, James,” Remus said. “That seems a little dangerous with hot food…”

“Hey! I got the idea from the book _you_ bought me. You’re complicit in this. Besides, how else to raise this one’s spirits?” James asked, clapping Sirius on the shoulder.

“You got him a book to _increase_ his stupid pranks?” Lily asked.

“Oh, no, is it trouble in paradise?” James asked.

“You’re dating _Alexis,_ ” Remus reminded James. “You can’t honestly still be upset about this _rumour_ that won’t die.”

“What, I can’t comment?” James asked. “Besides, I’m a teenage boy. Can’t stop the mind from wandering.”

“Rotten. Turnip,” Sirius said. “Oh, I think that chicken leg gave Snivellus a black eye.”

“You’re insufferable,” Lily said. She pushed her plate away and left. Remus had to agree. James hadn’t been knocked down a peg in a while. Not since that whole Brianne issue. And Remus had never gotten James back for dragging him into that Valentine’s Day situation, which was in retrospect even worse than he’d thought at the time.

Hm. Remus had just the idea, actually. And James was complicit, so surely he wouldn’t mind.

  


_May 6, 1977_

  


“Remind me why I’m helping you?” Sirius asked, bringing in the handkerchief.

“Because you had detention with her and it’ll be hilarious?” Remus said. He pulled the bauble from his trunk. It was small, easily missed by someone unobservant. The middle was thin and the ends had narrow slits that would just barely let a single hair pass through. Sirius opened the handkerchief and Remus took the faintly auburn hair. He wrapped it around the center and secured it tightly to the bauble.

“So we just put it on his bed and wait until he wakes up and bemoans his suffering?”

“Yup, that about sums it up.”

“I must admit,” Sirius said, “it’s good to see you up to mischief again. Didn’t expect it to be against our own, though.”

“I’m just helping his teenage mind expand its selection base,” Remus said. “I mean, he obviously thought _I’d_ find it useful. I just want to share the benefits.”

“He’s going to kill you,” Sirius said with a laugh.

“It’d take NEWT level spells to take me down; I have some time.” Remus led the way across the hall, the charm in his pocket. He and Sirius walked in to find James digging in his trunk.

“Oh, didn’t know you were here,” Sirius said.

“Yeah, just looking for an old book,” James said. He looked over his shoulder at them. “Alexis says she loved those Beilleight books, and I lied and said I do, too.”

“You don’t have any of those books,” Sirius said.

“I stole one of yours once,” James replied, burying his head in the trunk again. He cried with triumph and came up again with the book.

“Why did you steal a book you didn’t like?” Remus asked.

“I was using it to smash spiders,” James said as if that was perfectly sensible. After he left, Sirius leveled Remus with a solemn gaze.

“Okay. Let’s make the boy suffer.”

Remus was woken in the pre-dawn hours by one James Potter who was attempting to throttle him. Fortunately Sirius had been right behind to help Remus fight back.

“McGonagall! You take a gift, given in good faith, and use it with _McGonagall’s hair_!” Remus laughed.

“Teenage minds, anything goes, right? You know, how was she? I bet she’s a wildcat.” Remus laughed as James redoubled his efforts. Everything only got sorted an hour later after the whole dorm was woken, when James had to walk away, lest someone was forced to explain _why_ James was so upset. And Remus could tell that the last thing he wanted anyone to ever know was that James had had _those kind of dreams_ about Professor McGonagall.


	22. Please Check Memo For Further Details

_May 13, 1977_

  


“Lupin.”

“Brianne?” Remus said. Charms had just gotten out; the room was nearly empty. And here was the devil herself. She looked impatient. Remus had no idea why she had come up to him, but decided to go with it. “I’ve been wondering when I’d be graced with your conversation once more.”

“Don’t act so superior,” Brianne snapped, her temper visibly flaring. “At least I’m capable of holding a conversation, unlike you. Heard about Lori. You know you’re the least favorite of all the prefects, right?”

“Is there a prize?” Remus asked. Brianne’s face twitched and her eyes narrowed.

“Do you think you’re clever?” she asked. “Mocking people all day. It’s why you don’t have any friends.”

“I’ve been saying that all year, I’m happy someone’s caught on.”

“I guess the other reason is that you like to lie about being a criminal. You know, I don’t believe you got those scars breaking the law. I bet a dog just smelled how rotten you were through and through, and decided to try and get rid of you.” Remus marveled at how good Brianne was at actually digging deep into a person. Supernaturally good. He kissed the imagined regrets he still held goodbye.

“And that encounter is a secret we’ll take to our grave. Me and the dog have a plot picked out.” Remus put his arm around Brianne’s shoulder and held her close, pressing his hand to her shoulder. “I don’t know what you wanted to say, but this has been really fun, Brianne. Wish I didn’t have to be somewhere. We need to chat again. Soon.” Brianne shoved him off. Remus shrugged, turned, and swiftly moved to put as much distance between himself and Brianne as possible. Just outside the door, he ran into James. James looked sheepishly at Remus.

“Um. I was going to tell Brianne off…”

“Don’t worry about it, James. She can’t really reach me.” Remus glanced over his shoulder at a growing crowd of people. There seemed to be something happening. Everyone was very distracted and growing louder. Remus smiled pleasantly and continued in a happy whisper. “I mean, I’m already a dark creature who could very well brutally maim an innocent person, or simply go to jail over nothing, and I have nothing but misery to look forward to. Brianne’s comments were refreshing by comparison.”

“I… you’re not any of that!” The laughter of their classmates erupted just as Brianne’s scream of frustration reached Remus’s ears. The crowd broke enough for Remus to see through. The original name tag he’d attached to her shoulder had multiplied. Now, not only did she have a tag which said, “Hi, my name is Brianne. I’m a huge bitch,” she also had ones such as “My name is Brianne, and I need to shut my yap and piss off”, or “Hi! I’m Brianne! Ask me for directions to hell!”

“What am I looking at?” James asked in awe. Brianne tried to remove another tag, which only created two new ones.

“Everyone clearly needed a memo.”

“Lupin! I know you did this!” Brianne yelled at him. Remus shoved James between him and Brianne.

“Okay, you can tell her off now,” Remus said. James got over his shock and started laughing uproariously until Brianne sent a hex that just barely missed them both. They opted for a quick exit instead.

Remus considered this a twofer, since his prefect’s badge was also blissfully revoked.


	23. There's Something Under My Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Home stretch now, but if you're just tuning in there's a sequel already well underway (which may end up even longer...). Updates will continue. Still sporadic, since I have a new job (full time at last! started Sept. 26 (2016)), but it's mostly spellchecking happening through at least the first half of the sequel...
> 
> Actually this is a really long looking piece (series, really) that I may well never end since it would take at least... um. 6 times the length I've done so far??? But each piece has its own cycle so let's see how far I get.
> 
> End A/N

_May 18, 1977_

 

He ought to be studying, Remus thought. OWLs were here, essentially. But there wasn’t any light to read by. Remus tried very hard not to sneeze in the pitch black. He didn’t think anyone was about, but he really didn’t want to be caught hiding. It would be very embarrassing and difficult to explain. Which was why the bottom of his stomach dropped out of him when bright light hit his face.

“Remus?”

“Oh, thank every single god in the history of time, it’s not James.”

“Remus,” Sirius said again, as if he were speaking to a small child. “I’m only going to ask this once, because this is weird, even for you. What are you doing under your bed?”

“Uh… Annual monster meeting?” Sirius gave him a pointed look from his vantage point, which was with his cheek pressed against the floor. Sirius didn’t look like he enjoyed the position much. Remus sighed. “I’m hiding from James,” he explained.

“Why on earth are you hiding from James? And why _under the bed_.”

“I heard a rumor from Julie that Alexis dumped him and that he was taking it badly.”

“That still does not explain the hiding, and it definitely does not even begin to touch on the bed.”

“I just… I just don’t want to comfort anyone else, okay? People keep coming to me, all year, and they’re really upset, and it’s _really awkward_ trying to say the right things and _I’m sick of being that person_. So I’m hiding until he melts down with someone else.” A pause. “Also Brianne wants to drop me into boiling oil, then light it on fire. And possibly skewer me with sharp, sharp objects.”

“Remus,” Sirius said.

“I’m under the _bed_ because… well, I didn’t think anyone would look here. How’d you even find me?” Sirius grinned.

“Would you like the long version or the short version?”

“For the love of… The short version, please, Sirius.”

“The map works. I’m so proud of us.” Remus could see it now beside Sirius on the floor,

“It works?” Remus asked. Sirius nodded. “You owe me 20 galleons.”

“First, it only works on the dorms; we still have to figure out the rest of it,” Sirius said. “Second, I thought you’d forgotten all about that. I should never have come investigate. I could’ve left you here to decay and scare small children.”

“A bookie never forgets.” Remus started to crawl out from under the bed. “On that note, I hope you’ve a strong stomach. That galleon should go well with some good darjeeling.”

“You realize you’re abandoning your friend in a time of need. I’m disappointed in you.”

“I just need some Remus time, okay? I can’t go around taking care of everyone and oh my god I am a mum.”

“You’re a what?” Remus pulled himself free of the bed skirt and collapsed against his set of drawers.

“I’m a mum who’s sick all the time. God damn six year olds.” Remus looked over and saw Sirius grinning ear to ear.

“I’m calling you mum from now on.”

“Don’t you dare, Sirius.”

“No, it fits. It really suits you, Mummy.” Sirius looked at the map again, and frowned. “What is it?” Remus asked, fixing the bed skirts.

“Andy and William are on their way up.” Remus whipped around to look at Sirius.

“Speaking of children and monsters under the bed… You take William’s bed, I’ll take Andy’s?” They scrambled to the beds. Sirius whined about trying to get under the bed, but it was well worth it for the utter shrieks of terror when Sirius and Remus grabbed the boys’ ankles. It took three weeks — the entirety of the rest of the school year — until Andy and William could go a day without being followed by girlish shrieks.


	24. this is so completely illegal

_May 29, 1977_

 

It was three days until the last full of the school year. Two weeks until school was over. And there were OWLs. And it was all very stressful. Remus thought he might be losing his head. He wasn’t sure how he felt about summer, either. It still seemed like a good idea to have his own time and not be bothered by everyone around him. But he also caught himself thinking how lonely he’d be not seeing people like Lily, and Sirius, and James, and Peter everyday. Which was about where he was now. It hadn’t been that way back in September. How had he gotten here, anyway?

Remus stood up from his bed, which was covered in books and notes, to get some water. As soon as he left his room, though, he was tackled and dragged into the other boys’ dorm.

Remus quickly retracted every thought of missing this.

“Ow!” he said, trying to knock the arms gripping him loose. “You can just ask, you know!”

“What’s the fun in that?” James said. He and Sirius deposited Remus on one of their beds. Peter was sitting on his own bed. Peter looked scared.

That was a horrible sign.

“What’s this about?” Remus asked.

“Nothing,” James said, just as Sirius said, “everything.”

“That’s the gambit of possibility, yes,” Remus replied. He saw Sirius and James exchange questioning glances. Even James look nervous.

“Okay, Remus, you just sit there and… Just don’t lose your head, okay? It’d be better to show you, and then we can go over all the details,” James said. Remus did not find this reassuring. Sirius locked the door, which was even less reassuring.

“He’s not going to do anything,” Sirius said, gesturing at Remus with a dismissive hand. “The boy’s as stoic as a statue. No offense, Remus,” Sirius added.

“None taken. Surprisingly.” Sirius laughed, and then he stopped as suddenly as he started. Remus’s fear increased because Sirius also looked nervous. What would set _James and Sirius_ into nervous wrecks? Oh, no, it was going to be horrible, wasn’t it? Remus watched as Sirius closed his eyes, clearly concentrating, and then—

Well, then there was a dog. A giant black dog, standing in the bedroom. Remus wondered if he _hadn’t_ completely lost his mind until the dog rushed him and jumped up to lick his face.

“Oh, god, no. No, no, it’s getting hairs all over my clothes and I think this dog saliva is entirely unhealthy.” James was laughing at him. Remus didn’t see Peter. He did see a large rat, however, sitting on Peter’s bed where Peter had been previously. James pointed down at the rat.

“We thought it was a bit of a let down, but let me tell you. There are many places in Hogwarts for a rat to go. He got my quill back from Filch’s office.”

“You mean the quill that — no, down! James, please save me from this dog!” The dog climbed down on its own, then ran around the room.

“Sirius gets a little carried away. Think being a dog suits him better, to be honest.” The dog ran a circle around itself and sat abruptly. Suddenly, Sirius was back, sitting happily on the floor. He had a look filled with exuberance on his face.

“I refuse to feel shame over how completely amazing I am and the pure rush of being a dog. Anyway, on with the show, Bambi.” James made a crude gesture in Sirius’s direction before walking to the center of the dorm room.

“Okay, so this is the only place where the ceiling is high enough…” Remus watched with the distant fascination of someone convinced they were hallucinating. James didn’t close his eyes. He stared right at Remus straight through until he had turned into a stag and Remus was matching gazes with a pair of large round eyes.

“You’re right, that is the only place where the ceiling is high enough,” Remus said without emotion. “I think I’m very confused. Actually I think I’m going crazy, but I’m confused about it. That’s hopefully saner than believing it.”

“We became _animagi_!” Sirius said, jumping onto the bed next to Remus. “We read up on werewolves, and they don’t go after animals like they do humans. And we _very vigorously_ —” Sirius shot a look at Peter “—verified that _animagi_ were included in that.”

“ _Animagi_ …” Remus said. He felt like his brain was moving through a fog as he watched James turn back into himself. He tried to remember what he knew about _animagi,_ which wasn’t much. “Are you registered?” he asked. Sirius took him into a headlock.

“Don’t be daft!” he cried out, wrenching Remus around. “And you haven’t thanked us yet!”

“Ow! Get off… What am I thanking you for?”

“Because now we can go out and join you for the full moon,” James said as if it were obvious. “You know, I thought you were clever, but I’m starting to doubt this.” Remus stared at James, struck truly speechless for the first time in a very long time. He had no retort to that. No sardonic point of view. He couldn’t even manage a dismissive look of disbelief. James was looking down at him in a matter-of-fact manner that broached no questions. Remus looked at Peter, back on his bed and human, then up to the general vicinity of Sirius behind him.

“You… you did this for me?”

“‘Course. We’re friends, you know.”

“We hardly spent any time together before this year. You all were doing you’re own thing,” Remus reasoned.

“Because sometime in fourth year you decided to walk away from us whenever you had a chance. Usually with some snippy comment,” James said.

“You said, back in second year,” Sirius explained, letting Remus go, “that you tore yourself to pieces because the wolf had nothing else to do. Well, now you’ve got a team of animals to keep the wolf in line.”

“That…” Remus said. “Well, it’s sure to help the infirmary bill.” James grabbed a pillow and smacked Remus in the face.

“No more sarcasm!” He kept hitting Remus with the pillow until he realized Remus was laughing.

“This isn’t funny,” Sirius said. Remus didn’t stop. “Why are you laughing?”

“I was just thinking…” Remus said, barely containing the laughter. He had a fleeting thought that he might be hysterical at this point. “I don’t have to worry about being lonely. We all have a future as convicts now.” James attacked full force with the pillow and the rest of the evening was lost in a contest of boyhood dominance until Andrew and William knocked on the door. They just told the boys to shut up so everyone could get some sleep after confirming that Remus, who was still laughing, hadn’t been broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So in all truthfulness, according to canon this whole animagi on the full started earlier in the 5th year; but for the arc of the story, I wanted this here. Only one chapter to go on this; then it's on to the next in the series.


	25. This Statement is a Lie. Probably. Maybe.

_June 11, 1977_

 

“And the summer truly begins,” James said, stepping from the train. “I can smell it. The hot summer air, dripping with possibility.”

“I think that’s diesel,” Remus said, coming onto the platform himself along with Sirius and Peter.

“That’s used on trucks, right?” Sirius asked. “I think I read that, but I’ve been looking at other vehicles. Like the ones on two wheels?”

“Bicycles?” Remus asked.

“No, the big ones. With engines,” Sirius said. “I need a new project since I think I’m done with the _gog._ ”

“Going to fix a broom?” James asked.

“Nah,” Sirius responded. “I improved it. Bigger plans, Jamie.”

“Don’t call me Jamie, Siri.”

“Don’t call me Siri, Bambi.”

“Shut it!” James said. Then he turned at the sound of his name across the platform. Remus guessed that was Mr. and Mrs. Potter, but the din made it hard to be sure. 

“Alright, lads. I’ll write!” James said, giving Sirius a parting glare.

“So that new project,” Remus asked when James left.

“That…” Sirius said, grinning widely.

“If you say it is a secret project so help me I will drop you in boiling oil, etc. etc. and so forth.”

“You aren’t even finishing your threats anymore,” Peter said.

“Lazy summer days set in already,” Remus said. “Long days, short nights. Sleeping outside. Bliss.”

“Oh! That reminds me.” Sirius undid the latch of his trunk, then turned to Remus with a solemn expression.

“For you, my dearest friend, in honor of your return to our ranks. May our friendship never spoil, as I have charmed this token to never do so either.” Remus should have expected the flower crown that Sirius pulled from the trunk and placed reverently on Remus’s head. It was framed on woven flower stems and ribbons, and studded with violets, daisies, and pansies. Remus felt the hate rise within him. The hatred of true friendship. It’s such a beautiful thing, this disease called friendship.

“It’s beautiful,” Peter said, barely holding back laughter.

“There will be a reckoning,” Remus calmly stated.

“In that case,” Peter said, grabbing his trunk. “I’m off as well. Keep in touch!”

“Do you have to go find your… guardian?” Sirius asked. Peter disappeared into the crowd.

“He’ll be off in a pub, like normal. Probably should go find him. He can get carried away left on his own.” Sirius nodded.

“Alright. Well, think about coming into London, alright? I wasn’t joking about the records.”

“Okay,” Remus said. “I can at least mail you the address of a shop I like.”

“Yeah, fine,” Sirius said. He looked like he didn’t want to walk away, so Remus pulled Sirius into a short one-armed hug before he grabbed his own things.

“Don’t forget to write either. Can’t let your parents keep you down,” Remus said. Sirius smiled ever so slightly and turned to go. Remus began to push through the crowd himself, but didn’t get far.

“That’s _lovely_!” Lily said, coming up behind Remus and patting him on the shoulder.

“Oh,” Remus said. He’d forgotten the flowers already. He quickly pulled them off of his head. “Er, gift from Sirius.”

“Attempting to humiliate you?” Lily asked. “It’s so girlish!”

“Well thank you. I always appreciate and adore girlish gifts,” Remus said. “Besides, I think you suggested the violets?”

“Oh,” Lily said. “I may be guilty at that. Still, rotten sort of friend to do that in a crowd like this. Of the most rotten friends I should add.”

“Hey, those are my friends,” Remus said, pointing his finger in her face. 

“Do you remember what they did to Severus?” Lily said. “Right after the Defence OWL? Up-side-down? Hardly over a week ago?”

“Okay, well,” Remus said, a bit contrite, “For that incident… consider the language alone. But those are, regardless, my friends. I don’t think I could possibly do better if I tried, and you know, I don’t think I want to try. So I don’t want to hear it, actually.”

“Oh my god,” Lily said in surprise. “That was actually honest, wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Yes it was heartfelt and sentimental and so is this statement.” Remus lifted his trunk, turned to leave, then turned back.

“My earlier statements, of course, were not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: End of Year 5!!! On to Year 6!!! And a new POV: Sirius. Bonus points if anyone can figure out the themes of the years...


End file.
